Friday Update

So today was an interesting day.

Woke up to my alarm and rushed to prep my work for the day.  Rocky texted me later to remind me of our plans to get a haircut.  En route, however, Rocky discovered that SM Cubao already had the Mini Changers Kreons he was highly anticipating.. and guess what happened next.

HHehehehe and hey, I am definitely NOT complaining about this.  This is part of why I love the guy so much.  To see him so giddy and excited to dive back into his fandom is such a wonderful thing.  I know many people find it hard to understand us geeks, but in some ways, I've learned to just accept it as a truth of life.  I mean, I don't get why some people claim to have wanderlust, or have a deep need to buy branded crap.  I guess that's their own fandom, in a manner of speaking.

Got a hair cut at last.  Rocky has a very nice trim to complement his great looks.  I asked the barber to just give me whatever he thinks will look good on me.  Was that a good idea?  Probably not.  But I'll let the results speak for themselves.

The hair on the sides of my head have regained their touch of grey, however.  I guess the dye I once had on (upon my other ex's request) had finally failed to hide the passage of time.  But I'm not complaining.  I'd like to think I'm aging pretty gracefully.  I know of some people far younger than me who can pass for my older brother.  Or dad, even.

But I will say I do feel pretty awesome at how I look.  I guess all the working out and supplement drinks are really helping shape out a better build for me.   I've always wanted to look better, admittedly, but I never thought my body type would accommodate it.  As of the late, however, I'm starting to see development in the right direction.

So yeah, pardon me if I'm enjoying cam-whoring every now and then.

Broke a heart today.  Not too proud of it, but I'd like to believe I was honest about things from the start.  Admittedly, I feel like a douche-bag, even if I never lead the guy on.  From the start, I did clarify that I was just meeting up and having fun, but even with full disclosure, I have to admit I still feel crappy for making that person regret meeting me.  Told Rocky about it and he helped remind me that I was not in the wrong.  "He chose to meet with you," which is true.  I guess I just really hate making a good guy feel like shit.  The guy does deserve to find someone really awesome.

I hope he does in time.
I really do.

Ended up watching Grey Gardens with Rocky too.

The episode of The New Normal had touches of the movie in it and Rocky discovered then that I had NO idea what Grey Gardens was about.  Having seen it now, I have to say I am... it is hard to describe how I feel about it.  Disturbed?  Amazed?  Aghast?  Empathetic?  I feel tempted to let certain people I know see it, so hopefully they sense how they seem to be on the same path... but I dunno if that would be wise.

Drew Barrymore was such a hoot in it, admittedly.  Her ever-shifting accent was hilarious.  I just couldn't laugh given how disturbed I felt about the story, since it was based on real people.

Got a game to look forward to this Sunday.  This should be episode four of Agenda, the Adventure! - Aberrant - Aeon Trinity epic storyline that I've had cooking for years in my head.  I'm anxious for this coming game because its a chance to bring the story another step forward.  As to what direction I'm taking it, I'm definitely keeping mum about that until then.


Life continues moving forward though.  While there are clearly some friends who seem insistent in thinking I need "help" of some sort, I know I'm definitely happier and more centered than I have been during the first few weeks of the break-up.  Am I deluding myself and trying to convince myself I'm happy?  Definitely not.  However, I am aware I'm not in the happy level I used to be in.  I just don't get why some people seem more determined to prove their right than to just be supportive and happy for me that I'm much better than before.   Even worse, throw unnecessary drama.  And supposedly I'm the one being reactive.   Sighs.

I guess I just have to be understanding, again.

color barf to clear my head and focus on work

Stuck on indigo

Dipped in blue

Desperate for colors

thinking of you.

Grey clouds gather

green eyes observe

is this the kaleido

that we deserve?

Red moments are many

Purple bills say goodbye

It's like calling yellow violet

when you look with closed eyes.

So I'm stuck on indigo

dipped in blue

desperate for colors

thinking of you.

Rethinking the blog's existence...

At over 40k hits, I find myself looking at this blog and wondering if I should maintain it further.  While in the past it served as a wonderful place for me to document stuff in my life, nowadays I realize I have other blogs that have taken most of my time when it comes to updating them.

I have Blame it on the Rain, Bro which serves as my outlet for anything related to my personal thoughts on being bisexual, on labeling myself gay to challenge those who think being bisexual is just used as a fear of saying or calling oneself gay, and anything else related to that.

I have Baduy Pride which nicely documents the happiness that I have in my life with it being shared with the two guys who complete me.

And lastly, I have Tagsessions, which has become the venue for anything gaming related that I would love to talk about.

There was even G Komics which was supposed to be, but never did blossom, into my comic blog.

So what then should I update here in The Garapata Can Speak?  That exactly is the question that is nagging me right now.  Should I just close this blog then?  Leave it open for rants that don't exactly fit in the other blogs?  This reminds me of the time I shifted to Blogger and Facebook from Multiply.  Ah... choices... decisions...

Anyone out there got an opinion they want to share?

Me and Duck at Hong Kong

Not Safe for the Sane

Uh yes.  I suddenly am not sure if I can understand what I just saw.
Funky Forest.

Thank you.

The net was super wonky everywhere for a few minutes.

I wonder when someone will admit it. Something happened just minutes ago. Was it Anonymous and a counter-attack I wonder. Hmmm.

The Thing is...

The trailer makes it look like a monster flick, rather than the psychological horror of the original film.
I only hope it is a case of bad trailer editing and the actual film still has the growing tension of horror and not just the cheap screams of a scream-fest movie.




This looks like a prequel though, rather than a remake. Wasn't the original movie about a team finding the remnants of an earlier team?

Animal or not to Animal

Not quite sure yet how to feel about the new DC Universe Animal Man.

I love Animal Man.  The Vertigo stories nicely explored the concepts of animals, humanity and the Green.  The DC Universe Animal Man was fun too, especially when he was part of the Justice League.

Yep, Animal Man is one of the few heroes who broke the  fourth wall and spoke/saw us readers.
Zatanna was another.

The new one. I'm not so sure.

I do like this particular except from the script though for the coming comic:

Buddy leaps through the air towards Edwin, fists clenched and barking angrily.
1. (CAPTION) BUDDY: This man is troubled. He’s experienced loss that I can barely fathom. But now he’s also endangered all these innocent children…and I can’t allow that.
2. (CAPTION) BUDDY: I grab my favorite “action hero” cocktail of animal abilities…
3. (CAPTION) BUDDY: Strength of an elephant, reflexes of a fly, speed of a cheetah…
4. (CAPTION) BUDDY: And the bark of a dog. That one always freaks them out.
5. BUDDY: BARK! BARK!

So yeah, maybe, just maybe I will give it a chance.

TRUTH for thought

Think about it.

I should make something like this.

Frigging Genius.

Consider these questions...

A beautiful selection of questions were showcased in this site.
Read them.  View them.
And take a moment to answer each one.


Have a nice day!

(thanks to Princess for sharing it to me via Google +)

Oh look at the time...

...its six o'clock.

This one is about Jakey...

Got a post about Jakey.

But it is in my other blog.

Check it out now!

According to my partner...

Thanks to GraphJam.com for the original.

Kurt of Glee the new BUCKY!

Could it be?  

GASP! Chris Colfer of GLEE is the new BUCKY?

Could the upcoming Captain America film be any more awesome?!?!

Just kidding folks.
Just found myself amused that the image of Bucky actually does look like him.
:-P  It would have been fun though.  Imagine him as Bucky breaking into song during the movie, "Wheeeeeen Captain America throws his mighty shield.... All those who chose to oppose his shield must yiiiiieeeeeeld!!!"

Bucky is really to be played by Gossip Girl's Sebastian Stan.
But damn, I would have loved a Chris Colfer Bucky.  He would have been awesome, stylish, and comic fans would know how huge a role he plays in the birth of Captain America himself.  Could you imagine it, Chris, being there to save the other Chris from certain doom at times, leaping to his rescue?  Grabbing him mid-air to hold him tight and protect him from the incoming hail of bullets!

Yeah, I thought so too.

Oh well, here's the song though.
Hope he someday decides to sing it on youtube!

Hmmm... They're searching for ME?

Was pondering on what to write about when I decided to take a peek at my blogger.com stats and see what search key words were leading people to my site.  Lo and behold, I discovered that a good number of hits were coming from people who were actually searching for my name.

And baby says...

People out there were looking for me by name.

I always find myself amused and fascinated at the thought that somewhere out there, my names does get around without me knowing.  Like that time I was with my (then) girlfriend at a bookstore in Power Plant, when a group of girls who were talking to her suddenly went all excited.   For some reason, I was at a distance when it happened and when I came up to her to ask what was up, she told me the group actually came up to her, identified her by the nickname I had been using to call her, and were excited to know they met her.  They were fans of mine, supposedly, having read my stuff and loved it.

Popular...

A similar occurrence has happened in the open gaming meets which we have monthly at Regalia.  I was prepping to run a game when some new faces came up to me and were excitedly asking for a spot in the game.  I then started to hear about how much they've heard from others of my approach to gaming, and how lucky they would be to actually be in my game.

It boggles the mind, to be honest.  I know I am kinda "out there" with my online comics, short films, writings, poems, and the like.  I know I once was asked to judge a cosplay event, host a poetry group, emcee a writing forum, and even become a speaker at some point for writing and salamangka.  But I still don't really think I'm in any way or form more popular or sought out the way others say I am.

At least you're not dead!

I dunno.  A director friend of mine said it was misplaced humility on my part.   A co-worker once told me I can do so many great things, if only I'd stop thinking I shouldn't.   For a long time I felt the things I enjoy and love to share would be found more acceptable and interesting only in places outside the shores of the Philippines.

But it happens.  Those weird moments someone I don't know goes all gaga to realize they're talking with me.  Or when I receive emails or comments from strangers who commend me for my work.  Or thank me for helping them through something they thought they were dealing with alone.

Plant Kamote!

And somehow I feel that is actually enough.  While my comics might never reach the popularity and caliber of Carlo Vergara's Zsazsa Zaturnnah which launched a highly successful musical, a movie, and reached even international audiences or of Gerry Alanguilan's Elmer which has captured a spot among French readers while his funny Hey Baby youtube antics have gained him stardom to some degree... I guess I feel glad knowing I touch lives and make people feel better about themselves and the world they live in.



To be honest, though, it would be fantastic also if I could earn more.   But that's life.
:-)

Time to Give Myself a Facelift

Oh my.. 

I've been tossing in my head something for a while, and while I posted yesterday about the desire to fix my tags, I realize now that I might want to really do more than just make my posts more accessible.  There is a deep desire in me to actually once again give my blog a fresher face.

When I first started blogging, I wasn't quite that particular about the look.  I barely chose anything beyond the basic template, and really only learned to fiddle around with the code when I found a few other sites that offered templates for free.  But eventually, I shifted back to a generic template and kinda got stuck there.

Some people don't have minds to reconstruct kasi.

Part of me feels the need to actually try giving the whole thing a new facelift.

For example, the right column is filled with numerous links which I don't really think people click anymore.  There was a time when loads of visitors would visit my blog to check out my fanfiction or to read the stuff I've written.  Lately, however, I've noticed that people tend to really just focus on the more recent posts, save for a few... shall we say, still strangely popular ones?

Everything happens for a reason.

I've always made the blog be a beautiful representation of me.  And in some ways, I realize now that the blog has become much more generic than it should be.  I have articles on gaming to write.  I have ideas for stories to share.  And I realize I want these things to be easily accessible as well.

Even my online comics blog, as well as my ongoing comic Diliman, haven't been getting the updates they should.

So, maybe it is time to dip my toes back into learning how to make a blog look and work the way I want.  And maybe, just maybe, this can be another push in my desire to further my self-development.   If the blog reflects me in the virtual world, then damn it the blog should look better and view the world in a positive light.

For those who didn't know.    THIS is a garapata.

While Blame it on the Rain,Bro does use a template, I had modified it enough to reflect what I wanted as far as my geeky gay side is concerned.  I guess it is time for the Garapata Can Speak blog to do the same.

So here's hoping it works out!  Cross your fingers, girls and guys!

Gotta Tag Them All

Happy Tobie.

After blogging for more than seven years, I realize maybe it was time that I tried to make my blogposts a tad more... organized.  When I started, the concept of being able to "tag" your posts did not seem to be important to me.  While I might have had semi-frequent postings (such as the time I was actively writing for something called Slinging Ink), now I realize tags would help people who do read my blog find things they are interested in.  (About time, eh?)  

Happier Jakey.

While I do still try to keep most of my thoughts on being bisexual or gay in my other blog, the garapata blog has been in large part an outlet for my gaming, geeky and as of the late, gastronomic life.    I've written gaming articles, shared concepts and scripts, and uploaded everything from rants about life to celebrations of the littlest things that only geeks would understand.

xkcd
if you have not heard of it, you really, really, REALLY, should look it up.

But I wonder, is there any other way to actually tag each and every posting one has ever made other than to manually do it one-by-one?  Admittedly, I don't quite look forward to doing that, and in some cases, I actually would rather not read through some of my earlier posts for fear of awakening now sleeping dragons in my head.  But if the only way to really properly tag my blog will be do to so, I might have to just bite the proverbial bullet.

So much to tag...

A quick peek back in time already reveals many old posts that have lost their links to the once online images.  For some (like my post with a certain celebrity) it is a sad thing, since it may have ruined the birth of more amusing anecdotes to be shared.  For others, it is a blessing.  Admittedly, considering how strong my opinions can get at times, there are some people who would rather not to have certain image associations still remain online.  But yeah, it is still all in there.  The rants, the full moon butt pic, the stupid quizzes I used to take, the documentation of my trips abroad, the talk of dreams and plans -- whether they failed or bore fruit...

Don't you?

But ultimately, my blog is my personal stomping ground.  It isn't some professionally written venue to earn me money (although, donations are always welcome) nor is it a platform for companies to harp on their latest promos in exchange for a free movie ticket or two.  What it contains is what I want it to contain.  And what I can promise is what I let it contain, if it pertains to the real world, will be things that speak of the truth of things.  

Because my blog is another record of my life.  

And I like living a life that is free from lies and deception.

And I treat all those who are part of my life in the same way.

I can only repay you with a game session.

Oooh but to tag them all...

..isn't there some kind of service out there that can do such a thing?

Earning a little Something on the Side

Been racking up on some rackets in hopes of boosting up my bank account for the eventual expenditure necessary when Rocky and I leave the Sietch to find ourselves a new home.  While we both have our own respective savings, one really finds himself opening his eyes to just how much money is needed to invest on getting an actual place to own.    I've done the math and so far, with one of the rackets I've snagged, if it works out as ideally as I hope, I can anticipate getting at least one-fifth of the usual down payment ready by the year's end.

"How will they even fit!"

Money makes the world go round, as that song from Cabaret goes.  While I do agree with the adage that it can't buy real happiness, I do admit it is necessary to get many of the other things in life that one would want to have or share with a loved one.  While I've long been a wiz in moving around my savings, I have to admit once we looked at the math necessary to own a house, I suddenly realized how much further I have to push myself to get what I want.  But that's fine.  It simply shows I've learned to face the world with reality in my mind.  No misconceptions of a white knight with a bag of gold coming to save me.

"Money money money money money money money money..."

No, I have to be responsible to get the things I want.

And that, in many ways, reflects why I have such a huge disdain for shows like Willing Willie and the like.    Rather than inspire others and teach people the value of money and the empowering truth of how one can hone and push oneself to earn a living to slowly reach one's dreams, such shows act like bubblegum on a hole of a sinking ship, granting false hopes of the "lucky" streak and making people focus on the chances of joining and winning a game show's huge prize rather than finding a better job.  It is sad how after all the opportunities and abuse our country has had, people in general have embraced the idea that we're hopeless victims who can never rise higher than we already are at unless someone throws us a financial bone.

"At least siya, magbibigay... ako ni-isang libo ma bigay ko sa charity."
"Baket, pera ba niya yung binibigay niya?  Ang ang isang libo from you, barya lang niya yon."

Then you have other people who embrace terms like socialite or eventologist, and live lives where money is thrown away on drugs, expensive yet practically useless things, and claim they exist to stand as inspirations for others to dream of becoming.    More frighteningly they have the power of money to generate the necessary hype that markets their side more, making the idea of living a drug-addled I-do-what-I-want-cause-I-can-buy-you-off lifestyle as one worth envying.  

Seriously.  And some claim their lifestyle is AN ART.
Ugh.

And finally, you have popular media creating show after show that always shows certain key cliche characters:  the poor-maltreated heroine who is either a house helper or someone from the province hoping to make an honest living, the rich abusive amo who eventually will lose her wealth and influence to the heroine by some convoluted story arc, and the unnecessarily loud effeminate cross-dressing gay comedy relief who exists to either be the target of verbal abuse or slap-stick humor.

In fairness, some shows break from the mold.
Kinda like how there are some sharks that are friendly.

No wonder people keep wanting to simply take the easy way out.
Why work for it when you might marry some rich guy, use his money as your own, and rise from your "inaapi" life?  Why learn to save money when you can throw away your money in a gamble for that one lucky moment?   Why be responsible with your life when you can always have someone else to blame:  your parents, your friends, society...

Some people think easy money is worth all the loss of self-respect.

Good vibes tends to be the clamor used to shut up any attempts I make to show the lack of reason in other's actions.  People would call me self-righteous, and accuse me of having a holier-than-thou attitude for believing  teaching a person to fish is far better than just throwing him a hand-out he'll quickly consume and beg for more of.    It saddens me to realize how many people out there have embraced the idea that "making others happy" is justification enough not to do the greater better thing.  Are we really becoming a nation that believes temporary happiness is enough?  Have we all become solvent sniffers who think handing out cash gifts once a year on camera is far better than helping a few more scholars go to school?

Why teach them to earn it themselves when you can always make them come back for more, diba?

We all need money.  That is a fact of the world.
But I still believe we all can strive to earn money with dignity.  And reach for our dreams with self-respect.
Each day is a day we can use to earn a little something on the side.  Maybe its a bit more cash from a racket. Maybe it is a bit more self-respect for choosing to do the right thing rather than the easy thing.

Buti pa ang robot, marunong mag fish.

But we have that choice.  We have every day to make it.
So please, stop wasting time waiting for that "lucky" moment.

Why see your life as something worth only the "generosity" of a richer man's handout, when all he's really doing is paying you to make him look great.

Keep your free money.  I'll never sell you my self-respect.

(And mind you, its not even with his own hard-earned money.  Its from the show.)

Sunday Game Group

I've been throwing ideas around on what to run for the Sunday group and if anything the biggest thing I want to do is run a story which is not hindered too much by other books.  I realize I miss the freedom of making homebrewed games and while it can be fun to explore settings like 7th Seas or Castle Falkenstein, a larger part of me is desperately seeking for a gaming setting which will allow me to throw anything from mile long elemental dragons with thriving cities on its back to a wedding banquet concealing the assassination attempt meant to murder the bride's imaginary friend.

Yes, those kind of games.
The ones that make you gasp.
The ones that catch you off-guard.
The ones that makes you without-a-doubt realize this IS a Tobie game.

And while I've been known to throw those kind of twists in other established games (like the River Tam wanting to destroy all logos of Blue Sun the same night Kaylee sees her hunky Simon Tam wearing pajamas adorned with the said logo as a pattern), I am realizing I want to pull out the stops and make an adventure that crosses all boundaries and remains fun.

Perhaps the best way to say this is:  A game that will be my discworld.

Which brings me to following questions:   What kind of system do I need?  What existing WOD games capture the elements I want?  What theme do I embrace?  I know who my players are but I think this would really work best with a better grasp of what they too are seeking to explore.  As fun as a pre-written game can be, a roleplaying game works best when everyone, including the storyteller, is having a great time.

I am tempted to push for the next level like I did in the games I ran way back.  Sacrament for example had players who were never at the table involved in the game.  The Art on the other hand made good use of websites and at one point in the game even made texting an integral part of the experience.    Could this new game break the fourth wall again in a way which will be fresh and new to the gaming community?

Updates soon.

Hmm maybe a game where all the PCs and NPCs look like him.
That should be fun!

I think I want to redesign my blog again.

Somehow the generic feel of this blog doesn't work for me anymore.
I want something that celebrates my geekiness more (kinda like how Blame it on the rain, bro celebrates my gayness).

Hmm..

What to do...

Coming out of the dark?