Happy Birthday Mr. Mraz

Happy Birthday to you. Thanks to you, me and my Egg found means to communicate through your songs. Here's hoping you have a great one!

Parental views

Yesterday, I was back in Paranaque at my parents' place working in the family business when two o'clock came by my window and reminded me to head to a friend's house to get some DVDs I had lent out some months back. With a quick cartwheel down the street, a leapfrog over some residential doggies and a SMSed "I'm here," my friend's mom Tita N allowed me to step inside and greeted me like a friend I haven't seen in a long time.

And in many ways, that has been something true about how things were between me and my friend and his family. Even with the age difference, the interest gap and the like, me and him and his family always had this strangely familiar level of understanding and comfort that one usually only feels among best friends or close relatives.

With an initial false start to hunt down the errant DVDs (I had left the list back at my parents' place) we eventually got down to looking them up by title while talking about how things have been. Eventually, the discussion began to focus on my recent move out of my parents' place, the emptiness and at the same time the pride a parent feels once their kid takes it upon him/herself to move out and begin living their own lives, and the fact that nowadays it can be hard to foresee how things will turn out considering how complicated life can be nowadays. In many ways, it was far simpler in the past when stereotypes were more often than not true: band people did drugs, long haired people were rebels, people with tattoos had been in prison, homosexuals had no future save to work in a parlor or in fashion, artists never made money... wait, that last one still holds I think.

Nowadays, things are far different from before. And it can be quite a challenge for parents at times to relate with thier kids having been raised in a time when such stereotypes were more often than not true. I remember the times I'd want to grow my hair long and my parents would reprimand me stating I was making myself look like a "hoodlum". Or how my sister would have friends who were in a band and automatically there'd be some level of mistrust towards them ("Baka they're getting her into drugs, etc...") even if the fears were unwarranted. More so when the said parents are actively trying to move past the stereotypes, however out of fear and worry for their kids, end up stepping backwards into them for familiar security.

Tita N shared with me some very heart-warming pieces of advice to bear in mind:
1) Moms know their kids more often than the kids know themselves.
While this sounds very cliche, in many more ways than not it is true. Moms tend to know things and in many occasions if it happens to be something they refuse or are unprepared to face, can very skillfully rationalize or deny what they know for as long as they need to. So if there were things as a child you needed to tell your parents, 8 our of 10 times it would be best to start with your mom. Chances are, she already knows, or denies what she knows and would rather you come forward to tell her than force her to bring it up. Mas mahirap din naman kasi if she assumes something, brings it up, and it turns out to be wrong, diba? (Just imagine, "Anak, buntis ka ba..." "Mom?!??!" "Ay, sorry, tumataba ka lang pala..." "WTF!!!?")

2) Family is family.
The bonds of family are truly more powerful than most realize. Again it sounds cliche, but part of this bond is the fact that every family can only move forward by letting go. A child has to move on. A parent has to let go. And with the emptiness and fear and pain of letting go, comes the unspeakable pride and joy of realizing your kid is ready to brave the world on their own.

And with that, of course, comes the fact that you can always come home. While some families end up with arguments and issues that separate the bonds or threaten to fray them to shreds, when push comes to shove, parents will want to help their kids. Kids will have to learn to see their parents willingness to help. And the two need to swallow huge Pride pills to mend the issues of the past.

3) We deserve the chance to attempt our preferred lives.
In many ways this seems like a no-brainer but can be difficult to embrace considering how Filipino society can be oppressive in its expectations of one's roles. Be it due to social or economic constraints, skill or talent requirements, connection or geographic limitations, Filipino society tends to have a "doon ka lang" mindset which tends to suffocate one from reaching for their dreams. At times, emotional blackmail is used to force one to stay "in their place." In others, one's self esteem is pounded down and torn apart in an attempt to make one dependent on the other. But ultimately, this crab mentality manifests as others saying "dito ka lang, or hanggang doon ka lang aabot." Whether this is a strain borne from the prevalence of telenovelas and the like is irrelevant. What is relevant is that we realize we have the right to dream of better things and we deserve giving ourselves the chance to try to reach for it.

After all, if you don't try for yourself, who will.

Soon, it was getting dark and night was ushering in. Tita N wished me the best and showed me out. I promised her to visit again sometime, perhaps even to update her on how her son is doing abroad. She does worry for him, but in her eyes I can see the pride she feels that he's going for what he believes he should.

She said I was a great friend to her son.

Here's hoping my parents think I'm a great son, too.

From the Annoyed Me yesterday...

.... Today I am a very happy happy Pig.

Woke up to Egg greeting me a good morning and learned that a surprise breakfast was waiting for me: Scrambled eggs, perfect delish tuna with rice and coffee waiting for me. It might seem simple to others, but for me it was a fantastic way to start the day.

It was truly a fantastic way to start the day.

I felt like I was falling in love again.
*sighs*

I love my Egg.

Strange new Multiply

I am not loving the new interface.

I really am not. Multiply won my heart some time ago with its simple interface and its very friendly approach to posting stuff and managing one's inbox. Now, I am finding the new interface to be baffling in some ways, annoying in others. I am also not a fan of the fact the inbox now by default forces you to receive updates from your friends' friends as well (an act which has bombarded me with updates from a less savory friend of friends whom once declared blogging was a practice "for pathetic people who sought attention" and yet now has gotten bitten by the blogging bug. The fracking hypocrite. Grr.)

I really wish Multiply would somehow create a button to "shift back to the old way of doing things" but deep down I know that would be a futile thing to wish for.

But yeah, the new Multiply really really sucks big time.
Gah.

Buti na lang may Facebook na.

How do you eat an elephant?

It is a busy day today and I am here all the way back in Paranaque for work. I still help manage and maintain quality assurance at my parents' medical transcription business and I've pretty much committed for the meantime to be here thrice a week to do some work. While many people would freak at the idea of traveling from Cubao to Paranaque every other day for work, you have to realize you are talking to someone who used to travel from Paranaque to Quezon City daily for three years when he worked at ABS-CBN International.

Even with the typical healthy workload we get for the business, I was able to find time to hit a few of the targetted errands I had in mind for the day. I was able to make a duplicate of the key to the condo for the landlord, prep the post dated checks for the parking fees, find 5A fuses for the water purifier and purchase a new AVR. I was also able to prep the 2 broken AVRs for repairs, found watch straps for my Egg (just have to find out which one to get) and successfully download another one of the retro adventure games that Egg really misses and loves.

I wasn't able to get my DVDs back from Andy however. Yesterday he was online and chatting with his mom, when I chanced upon him and asked if I could pass by his parent's place for my stuff. I was told to drop by at 2p.m. Unfortunately, I've passed by twice today (once at 2p.m. and another attempt at 4p.m.) both to find no one answering the door. I called around six times and end up getting the answering machine, which supposedly records my message, but then just cuts off into a busy tone. I have no idea what happened.

I was able to contact another friend though who has some DVDs of mine and set a chance to meet up on Thursday to get my Season One of LOST back.

Then, there's the possible spa trip. One of my bestfriends, Emman, contacted me today asking if we could hit the spa to destress. Sadly, with all the errands to do today, I had to ask him to reschedule it to tomorrow instead. But I do feel the need to get myself simmering in hot water and beaten into a relaxed pulp. It is only a pity Rocky most likely can't come join us due to work.

But if anything, there's always things to look forward to. Apple and Emman are inviting me and Rocky to hit the beach house sometime in July again, and that's always a great thing. Getting away from the hustle and toxic energies of the city is definitely something we'd relish, and the fact that this time it would really be a vacation just adds more to the reasons to be happy. Who knows, Rocky might even be happy enough to dare riding the donut!

I just hope the Beach outing doesn't coincide with any upcoming Malate events that we really are looking forward to being part of.

So many things to still do. We need shelves for our books. We need to reorganize the comics, the dvds (something which Rocky has already done to a large extent!), the gaming books, we need to install our curtains, eventually get a proper place for clothes to hang, a better bed, we need to get more chairs, maybe invest on an eventual couch if not wooden benches, and definitely the gas range, the stove, and a bigger refrigerator. And at the same time, juggle work, personal time, geek exploits, groceries, errands, other expenses and responsibilities and budget.

Ultimately, more or less the same number of things anyone would have to do after having recently moved.

So how does one eat an elephant this huge?
How else?

One bite at a time. :-)

Internal World Building

I'm here at Sietch Creare, sitting at the poker table alone with the laptop as my link to the outside world. To my right, the desktop is still running and attempts to connect to Rocky's facebook Restaurant City account have not worked for the last few minutes. Earlier tonight, Rocky and I shared a delectable meal of rice, tuna and okra. A few hours ago, we were sleeping amidst the cold weather and the quietly warm Monday sun.

Many things have happened to our lives in the last few months. But considering this is my blog, it would be more acceptable and proper for me to simply discuss my side of things.

While I've been in some ways keeping some semblance of constant updates on my blog, there have been many things which of course have happened which I felt have rightly best been kept private. Some friendships were ended. Some relationships were closed. Some lives changed, for better... for worse. Some rooms transformed into prisons. Some condos became homes. Books, movies and music gained meaning beyond those intended by their authors and writers. Some actions and words gained deeper messages specific people alone were meant to comprehend.

All in all, everything that has happened was meant to happen.
Everything that has come to pass was part of the greater plan our Creator has for all of us.

It isn't perfect.
Allows me to state that again. It isn't perfect.
There are days or nights when I find myself feeling unnecessarily needy. Or times when I wish things could have been planned with me part of the planning session and not just learning of it. Or moments I feel I am being a disappointment. Or really stupid instances when I start wallowing in my fears of being inadequate.

But it works.
Communication keeps the wheels turning. Honestly acts as the oil in making the gears move in synch. Sensitivity is there to know when to pull or push. When to stop. When to start.

It ain't perfect, but it damn is close in many ways.
And yes, it can get really scary when I realize how well it works. Brains working in an unspoken matched wavelength. Thoughts are the equivalent of speaking. A mere touch conveys so much more than a spoken word.

Trust, Sensitivity, Patience and Responsibility.
They're all there, rich and well nurtured. But not without effort, I will admit. At times I do still have fears of failing to uphold them, or at times I have fears of, to quote a friend of mine, "self sabotaging a good thing again" but in some ways I am beginning to learn that they too are four keys I have to apply to myself. I have to learn to trust myself. To be sensitive to my own feelings. To have patience and stop bringing my brain's paranoid thoughts to the fore too quickly. To be responsible for my own actions and inactions towards how I think or what I personally have to confront within me. And I am starting to realize its not easy to do these things after years of being a martyr for others... and it is harder even to not be afraid of overdoing not being one too.

But yes, in the months that have passed, I've realized in many ways I've slowly grown into a better person than I was. Not perfect. Not even nearly perfect. But better. More aware of my responsibilities. Of what I deserve. Of what I need. Of what I can give. And I've learned more the need to communicate. To share. To admit. To declare. To apologise. And more importantly, to stop apologising too much.

And ultimately it helps even more to know it is all meant to be.

Google Wave - The Evolutionary Step for Online Table Top Gaming

Trust me.
It will be.

(and no, MMORPGs are NOT Table Top Gaming.)

I'm Home.

I'm currently back at Paranaque today for work and I just wanted to steal some time to post that today is Wheelie Day once again!

HAPPY WHEELIE DAY!

Having finally moved out to Cubao, going here to Paranaque to work on the family business feels different now. While for a long time, I've found myself content to call my parents' place "home," things feel very different now with the existence of Sietch Creare. This is not to say that my parents' place was never home. Rather, it is to say that yes after such a long time, I've finally found a place which I really truly feel is my place to return home to after a long day of work.

I've always had problems with "leaving home" before.

Having travelled a lot in my life thanks to the love and generosity of my parents, I have been able to go as far as Canada, Los Angeles, New York, Boston, San Francisco, Texas, Hongkong... and yet in many ways I never felt like I found a place in those countries which gave me the comfort and tangiable feeling of sanctuary that Sietch Creare gives me. In many ways, I felt like I was merely visiting those places, and the rooms or beds I stayed in were just temporary locations I was to rest in. Sietch Creare, on the other hand, brings a comforting sense of stability and groundedness (if there is such a word) which is ironic considering the condo is at the fourteenth floor of the tower.

While some might say that has more to do with the fact I have my stuff with me, there was a point in time when I moved out and shared a flat with a friend of mine. The place was in San Juan and like today, I had my geek stuff, my gaming books, my movies, my computer, my bed, my clothes... I had all the things and personal belongings that help define me and bear sentimental value to me - and yet the place was not exactly home. It felt... liberating, yes, and in many ways it felt like I had my own place. But it didn't feel like home.

There was a temporal sense of it being "for the time being."

Sietch Creare feels like home.
And I know, it is just a condo. It is a rented flat.
It isn't a house I own.

But right now, it feels like a place I wouldn't mind living in for the rest of my life.



"I'm home!"
Usnavi from In the Heights.

Updates on SC and why you should see Terminator Salvation!

Still here at Fandom Cafe at Cubao, thankful that Pao has allowed me to borrow some internet time in order to get work in order. Sietch Creare continues to slowly evolve and grow into the home it is meant to become. I've finally successfully transplanted all my DVDs and comics here from my parents' house in Paranaque, and soon to follow are the roleplaying game books, clothes, and other personal stuff. Hit SM Supermarket earlier with Rocky to grab some supplies for the coming days and discovered over lunch that Terminator Salvation was already showing.

The movie, despite the large amount of negative buzz in media, is spectacular.
The voice Christian Bale uses in the film is not as difficult to understand as he was in Batman Begins or its sequel. The action sequences are wonderfully chaotic and engaging. Even the reveal regarding Marcus (which has been spoiled countless times in pictures, trailers and even articles about the film) was nicely done and had the necessary impact appropriate to the film. While some portions of the film were debatably predictable, the fact the director directly made homages to the previous films, just as Danny Elfman gave nice touches of the first and second film's scores to this one, makes this movie really enjoyable to watch. And let's not forget the surprise appearances of people I love to see in films, as well as the man who made Terminator... Terminator. Whenever I ponder on how these people could give this movie such negative reviews, I close my eyes and realize these are the same people who think the recent Wolverine film was well done. The incredible number of loop holes, plot inconsistencies, logical failures and pathetic effects of that X-Men film astound me.... and the only thing that astounds me more is how it is seen as such a great work by the media in general.

Going back to the present, however, editing continues even if I'm juggling time for making my new home even more organized. While work cannot be compromised in any way, sadly I've had to miss some recent special occasions (Grace, sorry I missed your 20th Anniversary! Joey, sorry I missed your birthday!) in order to fulfill my responsibilities.

Still, I would like to extend my thanks to Pao for the constant assistance in making the move easier, to Emman and Apple for their tremendously generous gifts, to my parents for their help and willingness to let me take some of the stuff I've grown sentimental towards, to Jon for our very first cookbook, and last of all to Rocky to is making this transition move smoother and more organized. Major thanks extend to everyone else for the constant words of support, advice and excitement!

Here's to having the housewarming parties soon!
We can't wait to invite you to our new haven.