Friday Update

So today was an interesting day.

Woke up to my alarm and rushed to prep my work for the day.  Rocky texted me later to remind me of our plans to get a haircut.  En route, however, Rocky discovered that SM Cubao already had the Mini Changers Kreons he was highly anticipating.. and guess what happened next.

HHehehehe and hey, I am definitely NOT complaining about this.  This is part of why I love the guy so much.  To see him so giddy and excited to dive back into his fandom is such a wonderful thing.  I know many people find it hard to understand us geeks, but in some ways, I've learned to just accept it as a truth of life.  I mean, I don't get why some people claim to have wanderlust, or have a deep need to buy branded crap.  I guess that's their own fandom, in a manner of speaking.

Got a hair cut at last.  Rocky has a very nice trim to complement his great looks.  I asked the barber to just give me whatever he thinks will look good on me.  Was that a good idea?  Probably not.  But I'll let the results speak for themselves.

The hair on the sides of my head have regained their touch of grey, however.  I guess the dye I once had on (upon my other ex's request) had finally failed to hide the passage of time.  But I'm not complaining.  I'd like to think I'm aging pretty gracefully.  I know of some people far younger than me who can pass for my older brother.  Or dad, even.

But I will say I do feel pretty awesome at how I look.  I guess all the working out and supplement drinks are really helping shape out a better build for me.   I've always wanted to look better, admittedly, but I never thought my body type would accommodate it.  As of the late, however, I'm starting to see development in the right direction.

So yeah, pardon me if I'm enjoying cam-whoring every now and then.

Broke a heart today.  Not too proud of it, but I'd like to believe I was honest about things from the start.  Admittedly, I feel like a douche-bag, even if I never lead the guy on.  From the start, I did clarify that I was just meeting up and having fun, but even with full disclosure, I have to admit I still feel crappy for making that person regret meeting me.  Told Rocky about it and he helped remind me that I was not in the wrong.  "He chose to meet with you," which is true.  I guess I just really hate making a good guy feel like shit.  The guy does deserve to find someone really awesome.

I hope he does in time.
I really do.

Ended up watching Grey Gardens with Rocky too.

The episode of The New Normal had touches of the movie in it and Rocky discovered then that I had NO idea what Grey Gardens was about.  Having seen it now, I have to say I am... it is hard to describe how I feel about it.  Disturbed?  Amazed?  Aghast?  Empathetic?  I feel tempted to let certain people I know see it, so hopefully they sense how they seem to be on the same path... but I dunno if that would be wise.

Drew Barrymore was such a hoot in it, admittedly.  Her ever-shifting accent was hilarious.  I just couldn't laugh given how disturbed I felt about the story, since it was based on real people.

Got a game to look forward to this Sunday.  This should be episode four of Agenda, the Adventure! - Aberrant - Aeon Trinity epic storyline that I've had cooking for years in my head.  I'm anxious for this coming game because its a chance to bring the story another step forward.  As to what direction I'm taking it, I'm definitely keeping mum about that until then.


Life continues moving forward though.  While there are clearly some friends who seem insistent in thinking I need "help" of some sort, I know I'm definitely happier and more centered than I have been during the first few weeks of the break-up.  Am I deluding myself and trying to convince myself I'm happy?  Definitely not.  However, I am aware I'm not in the happy level I used to be in.  I just don't get why some people seem more determined to prove their right than to just be supportive and happy for me that I'm much better than before.   Even worse, throw unnecessary drama.  And supposedly I'm the one being reactive.   Sighs.

I guess I just have to be understanding, again.

The Cha Cha of Life

It is a murky Tuesday morning with the rains bringing floods in certain areas, and poor Head Chef PJ down with a fever.  Worked out to get the body going :-)  Now just sitting here at the living room with the radio tuned to my sister's radio show on 94.7.  Had high hopes of meeting up with a good friend last night, but I guess exhaustion took over and I was knocked out even before midnight came around.   Yesterday was a busy day, come to think of it.  My brain was on over-drive working on so many games for Indigo-Entertainment.  A dream job, indeed.  But a job nonetheless.

Got a Singapore trip to look forward to this Friday.  The family is flying to celebrate my mom's birthday and I foresee another trip to Paradigm Infinitum in hopes of finding more gaming material.  It has been quite a challenge to find new gaming stuff, ever since Comic Quest stopped carrying role-playing game books, Nova Fontana died and places like Neutral Grounds focused on CCGs and board games.   But even that shop is starting to cater more to Warhammer guys and other games, so I'm kinda worried.  The last time we were there, there was only ONE vertical shelf in the whole store devoted to gaming.  Sad.

Reminds me of that night when we had friends over and we had fun playing Gloom, Citadels and Dixit.  (I feel I look so engorged in the pic though)  But it was nice reconnecting with old friends.  Felt like it was a trip back to when things where simpler, Rocky and I were together, and our friends just cheered us on as a couple they admired.

Oh well.

Revived the PSP for gaming.  Ogre Tactics is still fun.  Patapon still infuriates me (I'm so bad at it, it is embarrassing) and the annoyance that the new games are for the Vita instead make me sad.  Sometimes, I do miss the 3DNDS which I got for Prince.  Admittedly the ARG games and Mario were fun to play too.  But I guess I should stay happy knowing he's still enjoying it.  Then there's the PS3.  Haven't touched it in a while.  When I do, however, gosh it is such a time sink.  I lose myself in Arkham City so easily.  Hours can pass without me realizing it.

Got a small nick on my pinky finger.  Yoshi got a bit too excited playing with me and his teeth scratched my finger.  I wasn't even playing with him that much.  I just had my hand hanging down my side while reading something on my laptop.  Surprisingly, I don't feel traumatized or panicked.  Given my phobia of dogs all these years, I used to think the moment Yoshi bites me all the fear would come back.  To my surprise, I'm handling it pretty well.

Hurts though. Darn you stinky cute dog.  I love you.

Been cooking again, which always feels good.  Cooked the famous Yaya Bebie Turbo Chicken which remains pretty popular.  Everyone from office mates, to guests just love the juicy flavor.  And what's most impressive is how simple it really is to prepare.   Last night, I tried naman to make Paprika Chicken with Arugula and blanced Broccoli.  That was okay.  The flavor could have been stronger.  And admittedly, the arugula was not as fresh and flavorful as I had hoped.  At least Rocky didn't complain.  (Yoshi wanted more.)

Over all, life has been better. The Grindr and Growlr-based affirmations of interest and admissions of attraction have been quite uplifting and ego-boosting.  I don't want to mislead anyone, so I make it a point to explain I'm only there to meet new faces and have fun.  Already had to break a few hearts/expectations from people who were getting all "I want to be your future" on me.  But as cruel as that may seem, being frank about how my heart has already made its choice is far more honest than making others thing they still have a chance.

The wait continues.  And at least I'm not spending it brooding the whole time.
Things could definitely be worse.    but things ARE much better.

It is a small world after all.

Cheers to new friends.

Slowly Getting Back Together

I am. 

Not with anyone.  Just picking up the pieces of me that shattered.  It has been a month since the break up and frankly, I do feel much better.  While I still yearn for some parts of the past, admittedly I have begun to realize how much more the decision was for the best.  So many things in the way things were before were not quite as cheerful as I had hoped to believe.  And while I don't plan to make this post a mud slinging one, I do expect there might be parts that sound like it even if I try my best to keep a civil tone.

But yeah, it has been a long and tiring process of finding myself again.  While I still remain adamant with my recent proclamations, I have to admit it stings when I realize I have to be more patient and understanding in the coming days weeks months.  Rocky still has his own journey to go through and I respect that.  While we are generally okay, still sharing the Seitch Creare, there are the awkward moments which some times tear me up and make me start singing a certain The Clash song in my head.   But given how these moments tend to clearly be cases of me being too emotionally sensitive, or worse me being stupid enough to still expect certain things to be the same, I just have to really thank Rocky for being very patient with me when these spills happen.

 Admittedly, gaming has been a huge source of stress-relief for me.  While not really for its escapist properties, gaming makes me really feel good because during the games, I see myself, Rocky, and the usual gang laughing a storm and enjoying the growing tale.  Echoes of how simple and happy things were before shine through.

But for now, the journey continues.

It is funny how many people have messaged me (either privately through Facebook or through text) to throw in a compliment or sneak in a suggestive offer.  I still hold that I'm not that attractive, but I guess there's a certain degree of charm that this 35-year old geek still holds.  It does feel quite flattering to be told I am handsome or still look great.   It does also add some fuel to the drive to work out, which has been something I've sort of adapted as a thing-to-do to help spend the free time I have in my hands.

In some strange way, it makes me think of all those people in prisons.  As one new friend threw at me, "You build your own jail."  While I know the friend meant well, and was simply trying to tell me I have to move forward, I don't quite see the need to equate moving forward to letting go of the love I have for Rocky.  However I did find it amusing that I am sort of spending my time like someone in prison:  working out, reading books (although admittedly, game books), and sadly slipped back into an old vice: smoking.  Who knows, maybe I'll even have a prison-break trip or a shower scene next hahahah!  But in all seriousness, I don't feel I'm in a prison.  I don't believe I'm wasting my time away in a cell.

I do know I don't feel as sociable as I used to be.  And unless its gaming-related, I don't quite feel up to having to entertain others.

But I guess taking things a day at a time in that manner does have its benefits.  My paunch has greatly been reduced and I do feel I'm slowly (finally) defining my long neglected chest and arms.  I wonder if a large part of what makes it easier for me to work out after a break up is the fact eating feels so much less fun to do alone.  Suddenly, the slew of carbs and ice creams that I used to just funnel down my throat come to a near standstill, giving me the wondrous effects of a diet.

Camwhoring aside (and yes, I admit, I am intentionally doing that in these pictures), I hoped to hear from any readers if it does look like the working out is slowly paying off.  I still have my reservations that I might just be inflating the results out of a desperate need to feel like I'm not ugly.  Who was it who said it was the good looking folks who tend to need reassurance?  Maybe that applies to me.  Or maybe not.

I miss though feeling sexy and being teased about it.  There admittedly is a powerful ego boost to being forced to strip my shirt off during parties (and interestingly, those pictures should migrate to Facebook soon. Damn you Multiply for making it so hard to retrieve one's albums.)   I kinda miss that kind of attention, now that I have to embrace the life of a single guy.  While my heart is set on waiting for Rocky, I know I can't (and shouldn't) seek any attention from him.  He needs his space, and I need to really accept that we've broken up.  In some ways, it is easier with Prince given the details I do not plan to elaborate.  

Anyway, so I am slowly getting back together.  While last night seemed like a disaster, with plans falling apart, sleep barely an option, and a wobbly net being my constant companion, today is a slightly colder, but definitely clearer day.  I know things will be better as the days go by.  I know I might have to walk far more than 500 miles to get to where I want to be.  But I do know in the end, things will happen the way they are meant to happen.  And everything will have happened for a reason.

Argh it is already past one.   The laundry people should be arriving soon.  Haven't eaten a bite either, so I better go prepare myself a peanut butter sandwich and perhaps grab a shirt.

Perhaps. 

*winks*

FULL MOON FOR NEW MOON

FULL MOON FOR NEW MOON

As promised, here is the Full Moon for New Moon! And knowing that there will be Twihards who are curious, I'm going to have to give my vote to TEAM EDWARD! Bwahahhah!

While Direk Dekya and I worked on a full video for this, after a long and mindful deliberation with the legal department as well as clarifying intellectual ownership rights, I have come to a conclusion it would be far safer to merely have this image uploaded instead. Any (brave) souls who are interested in seeing the full video, just come up to me and ask to see it on my iPhone. :-P

Also in this post, Question of the Week Part 3!

Check them out at
http://garapata.blogspot.com/2009/11/full-moon-for-new-moon-as-promised-here.html

Weekend Outing with the Faraons

Emman and Apple were kind enough to invite me, Rocky, Brian, Buern and Jo to their beach house for the weekend. I barely was able to take pictures with my iPhone but I might as well share the ones I did take. These are pictures for the second day there. Will post the pictures of the third day (just before leaving) once I can.

Bad Bad Bad Tobie

I must be punished.

This whole month of February, I utterly became a lazy bum and failed to go to the gym AT ALL.  Really bad, considering all the development I achieved within the month of January.  Thankfully, I did retain my less-rice diet and have been sticking to healthy eating, so I avoided getting far too much a growth on my paunch.

Still, I'm lagging way behind. 

Making an online promise to hit the irons this coming March.  Gotta get my beach bod ready for a) My birthday on April b) The Fandom Live! episode Karen and I are shooting in our swimwear c) Eventual beach gimmicks that are bound to happen

I wonder how much retraining I need to get myself into to regain the mindset I had last month.   As I type this, I can't seem to fathom doing 120 crunches a day again (although I know back in January, I was having such a power thrill knowing I was incrementally bringing the number of reps higher each week!)  There is also the factor of not really having any constant gym mates to join me.  My good friend Emman offered to join me for workouts if I could move my gym schedule to 7am or 8am.   I am now highly considering that for both the company and the fact that means I get to gain some more skin tone and lose the pale color I've had all these years (which sadly has lead some to disgustingly believe I was trying to "look like Edward" Yeeeugh)

But yeah, the gym addiction beckons.
I shall give in.

March.  The tally resumes.

It must.

There goes my shirt...

Dito nagsumula ang lahat. The girls were attacking me (and no, I wasn't really complaining!)

edit: According to Duds, October daw ito.

Just decided to make a compilation of the times I lose my shirt in a party or gimmick.

Heard from a Dream Today...

Strange dream.

Had a very strange dream today.  You know how you sometimes have those dreams where you're not really "there" in the dream but instead you are some kind of omniscience presence watching everything unfold?  I had that kind of a dream today.  

Just remembered it as I was posting today's camwhoring session, cause the dream kinda connected to it.

It started out with me seeing myself in someone else's room.  This someone else being someone whom I kinda enjoy hanging out with.  I was sort of just watching the whole thing unfold as if I was a bunch of cameras in the room, catching the conversation.  The friend was on a couch, going through a few websites while his companion was there, reading a text message.  Companion happens to see a new blogpost of mine and curious, asks Friend to click it.

Friend: Ay yan, that's just Tobie camwhoring again.

Companion: Camwhoring, ano yon?

Friend: Having fun taking pictures of himself.  He's been hitting the gym lately and has been having fun documenting the developments.

Companion: Medyo cute siya... click mo nga.. ang liit ng pic eh.

Friend: I guess.  (clicks website)

Companion: Ay.. ang feeling naman nito.  Liit liit pa ng katawan, panay pictures na.  Pa pose pose pa.  Sabihan mo nga friend mo nakaka-turn off siya.

Friend:  ... He is my friend you know.

Companion: Ay sorry.  Just being honest, no.  Tanda tanda na.  Tapos akala mo naman kagandahan ang katawan.  Siguro sobrang inggit ito sa tulad natin.

Friend:  He's not like that you know.  He's a good friend of mine.  Really.

Companion:  Sana man lang may face.  Buti na lang walang gusto ito sa iyo, kundi ang badtrip non...

And at that I woke up.  Kinda forgot all about through the day, but now as I was prepping to post today's update as well as the kuwento on Mr. Silent Evil (he was there), it was this dream that suddenly came to mind.  Hay.  Talk about pathetic, diba.  Sarili kong unconcious ang naninira sa self-esteem ko! 

Part of me was wondering if I was not just dreaming but actually picking up on something, since I have had some other-worldly experiences I couldn't easily dismiss in the past... but somehow that seems even worse a thing to consider.   Hay... ewan ko ba.

But yeah, that dream suddenly got me feeling a bit more conscious about camwhoring.  Maybe will have some kind of  code sa title (C) or something so those who don't care to read my camwhorin updates can easily skip past them.  Or something.

Ay whatever.

(Sunday to Saturday, Jan 25-Jan 31):
Gym - 3 Bar - 3

I'm still happy I am achieveing something for myself.

Camwhoring again

The quest to gain a healthier, better looking body continues!  Hit the gym again and damn, I feel great! Definitely have to catch up more on working out since the bar nights are gaining a lead on things, but taking these pictures are a great way to motivate myself.

Of course, the positive comments from friends, supporters (and fans) also help (hint hint!)

Was at O bar again after the meeting and work out last night.  Louie and Nico hitched a ride with me.  Got there to meet up with Doc, Jenny, Bong and eventually Carlo.  Even Voldermort was there, which was odd, but hey, at least I can now tolerate his presence without resorting to shoving him backwards with my hand on his face.

Great show by the O Divas, although the energy was lower than usual.  Dancing Queen player real early, but it was a hit with us sharing the moves I learned from ABS-CBN Global.

Si Louie ata na overdose sa extra                                             joss because at some point sobra uber hyper na siya sa pag sayaw.

Still, all in all a fun fun night as always.  Unfun nights are almost unheard of at O Bar.

Gotta work up more my chest, and abdominal exercises.  Ayoko naman magmukhang non-proportional. 

Oh, belated birthday greetings to Carlo Vergara and to Mario Lozano!

Anxiously awaiting for the other pictures from the ADB Dinner and Drinking fun last saturday.  Unfortunately, Sonny has yet to upload his (for certain) 100+ pictures of that night.

It is another week.  Here's hoping we have lots of great things to look forward to!

Updates on what the Garapata's been up to

Been a heck of a week last week with lots of laughs, dancing, drama and growing self-esteem.  Although I've been failing last week to keep my gym focus on target, I definitely am feeling the benefits of going as often as I do.

(Sunday to Saturday, Jan 18-Jan 24):
Gym - 3 Bar - 5

Total Tally so far:
Jan 2-Jan 24:
Gym - 12 Bar - 12

Animo Dugong Berde had a little get together at SM Mall of Asia last Saturday, which I decided to attend instead of having another round of Vampire: The Requiem.  No guilty feelings, after all, Seth and Sam were happilly setting a schedule to play Left 4 Dead in my absence (damn, that game really rocks!).   Though we failed to get to join the dinner at Cabalen, Migs and I opted to hit Fish and Company for some soft shell crab salad before heading on to Bed Scene for some beers and bonding time with the gang. 

Afterwards, with Bed Scene closing, we decided to make our way next to Malate to see if O bar was read for us.   Horribly far too many people to get to dance, and even worse, had these annoying fuckwits who kept jostling me and elbowing me.  Thankfully, I kept my cool.   Got a message that Joseph and his friends were nearby and dropped by to say hi.  RD showed up a bit later, which was a pleasant surprise.  Had some more drama.  But all in all, a great fun evening.

Now, I'm here at Fandom Cafe as I type this.  It is gonna be a show about Battlestar Galactica and Lost having come back, Marvel Comics' Dark Reign, and DC Comics' Batman, his death and the battle for his cowl.

Still hoping to catch Totoy Bibo at O bar later.
Cheers!

Just some late night Camwhoring

Finished work just a few minutes ago.   Still in the long process of downloading my legal original copy of LEFT4 DEAD via the Stream network.  Still hoping to catch the first episode of the new season of LOST.  Still digesting the carb heavy meal I had in Yellow Cab with Louie, and digesting the complex and multifaceted events that transpired in last night's "double date."  Still using my battered old phone, which much to my surprise, has proven me wrong, embraced some unnatural superscientific means of undeath and started working again.  Still aching from the tiring but damn good work out at the gym when I suddenly realized I haven't been faithfully updated my blog with more gym/camwhore updates and realized I best rectify that tonight.

(Sunday to Saturday, Jan 18-Jan 24): Gym - 2 Bar - 4

Dang it.  Haven't been hitting the weights as religiously as I should.  Nor have I gotten a jump start on the swimming habit I hoped to bring back into action in order to add some color into my slowly toning body.  Still got two more days to at least even the score.

Desperately missing sashimi and ice cream.  The first cause I haven't been able to eat it lately, and the second because I keep seeing chances to eat it all around me. 

Buzzed my hair shot again, for those who might have noticed.   Kinda liking this... military-esque touch.  Goes with my belt too. 

Oh, and I miss you.  Like the desert misses the rain.

Cheerio!

Camwhoring proof in another blog

Yep. 

http://tomataus.multiply.com/photos/album/19/Project_365_-_Jan_2009?replies_read=26#27
Hhahahahah!

Belated Happy Birthday Joseph

Strange. Had to repost these pictures because somehow the first folder VANISHED. I think someone has access to my account. Gotta change my password.

Will recaption these later.
Hmmm....


edit: new captions placed.
darn. so strange.

Progress Check aka Camwhoring again

Two weeks into going to the gym and I'm feeling mighty happy and proud of the results.  Tightening tummy, waistline tapering off, arms getting a bit more meat, chest very slowly but surely growing.   Back's barely showing promise so far, but I think it will eventually follow. 

Definitely got to push the chest development more.  With the workout helping me regain the abs I used to sport back in highschool when I was actively a swimmer, the chest is looking mighty underdeveloped compared to it.

And yes, I still have no chin.

Gonna definitely hit the gym tonight and avoid any hit of going to Malate.  Part of me is thinking of reviving my old "escape" and hitting a spa again sometime soon.  Maybe I should ring up Eman or Johnboy (my "spa-ing partners") so at least I have someone to chat with while simmering in the steaming hot water.  A good massage would be a godsend, considering the beating I give myself each night at the gym, then dancing at O bar.

And yes, I know the room is a mess.  Need a new curtain rod, have to fix my stacks of stuff and books and slowly wean in some order into my chaotic room.  That yellow light behind me, however, is the same light this room had ever since it was first built back in 1981.  So yes, my friends, that darned this is actually OLDER than some of you.

Anyway, that's all for this blog post.  Gotta finish work so I can pump a bit more iron tonight.  Here's hoping the night ends even better with a serving of sashimi for dinner!

Tuesday Toiling

Was supposed to go camwhoring today, with my gym regimen nicely hitting my arms and shoulders, but found myself just not in the mood to go embarrass myself with more exposed skin.

(Or is this what you can nambibitin sa mga nasasanay na fans.)

Seriously though, just suddenly felt less enthusiastic today to go galavanting in front of the camera when I learned I still had a load of work to go through tonight.  I know I know, we work so we can party... but darn it, work can really get you down, eh?

Am excited for other things though, such as the upcoming digital film "9"

Supposedly to be released on 9.9.09, Tim Burton joins creative forces with the director of Wanted and Nightwatch, Timur Bekmambetov to produce wunderkind director Shane Acker's distinctively original and thrilling tale., 9.  The movie stars Elijah Wood, John C. Reilly, Jennifer Connelly, Martin Landau, Christopher Plummer and Crispin Glover and features the music of Danny Elfman.

When 9 (The Lord of the Ring's Elijah Wood) first comes to life, he finds himself in a post-apocalyptic world. All humans are gone, and it is only by chance that he discovers a small community of others like him taking refuge from fearsome machines that roam the earth intent on their extinction. Despite being the neophyte of the group, 9 convinces the others that hiding will do them no good. They must take the offensive if they are to survive, and they must discover why the machines want to destroy them in the first place. As they'll soon come to learn, the very future of civilization may depend on them.

The movie reminds me of Little Big Planet and the two major creative minds helming the production really has me excited for this movie.

Other than is, is the fact that in less than two weeks...

My chest, my tummy, my shoulders, my arms....

Did Tobie really deserve the "Sexiest Greenie" Award?

Hell, no!

 

 0

Ano? May ganung award?

 

 2

Asa...

 

 1

Siguro kasi naawa ang judges...

 

 0

Sige, I'll be nice... puwede rin.

 

 5

Bwahahahah!!! Mas maraming sexier Ateneans.

 

 0

Oh siya.... yes!

 

 6

Pain.
But damn, it is a good pain.

Feeling the sore muscles starting to remember that they exist.  Woke up barely able to rise from bed, and after a few moments of stretching and telling myself "wala pang namamatay sa stretching" I finally made it to the bathroom and saw my reflection on the mirror.  Tried to capture it with my digital camera (camwhore attempt for day; check!) and decided, what the hell, might as well post it for prosterity (and laugh trip) sake.

Iba talaga ang pain-pleasure high ng working out.  Parang there's an sleeping sadomasochist inside every one of us.  I stretched again, felt the tiny explosions of ouch all over my arms and shoulders, then felt the swoon of seeing and feeling how much more firmer they can get.

Yes, get.

Kasi get's ko naman temporary state lang ito.  Not until I really get into the habit of working out more often... and cutting down on my beer.

Which reminds me, running tally for this WEEK 

(Sunday to Saturday, Jan 4-Jan 10):
Gym - 3  Bar - 2

So far so good.  Got a bit antsy last night and decided to hit O Bar to meet up with RD and Nico.   Switched back to San Miguel Lights and (I know, I know) had 5 bottles.  It is a start, however, so don't nag me.  :-P

Oh yeah, the Open Gaming Meet is coming up this Saturday too.  Do come if you can!
And just because I know hihiritan na naman ako nina Tom et al, I added the poll above.  Answer it!!!