I am definitely losing my edge.
There was once a time when I had a huge list of mini-projects that I was indulging myself in. I had my online comics, my theater work, my short films, my gaming, my travel plans, my schooling plans, my workouts at the gym and my commercials.
Now, I have my work.
And my occasional nights out with friends to destress.
Komikon is coming up again this year and I have yet to finish the final issue of Diliman. Buti pa ang Planetary, ang delays niya understandable. Kasi the team is busy with all these other projects. Eh ako? I'm surrounded with all these incompleted works which I should have accomplished so long ago.
Sandman tribute? Unfinished.
The last two Nanowrimos? Unfinished.
This year's Nanowrimo? I didn't even join.
Horror anthology with some friends? On hold.
Alamat contribution? On hold.
Ultimately, its been work.
The answer is there, clearly before my eyes.
After reading some of the posts of my friend Carl, who recently made some nice articles on comic book creation and the dedication one needs to have in accomplishing them, I began to realize how much I've failed in giving my works the end they deserve.
But then again, one can almost look at my life as a whole and read it to be in the same boat.
Film school? Indefinitely cancelled.
Winning an Oscar? Shelved for the time being.
Actually making another short film? Uh. Yeah.
Fullybooked Gaiman contest? Didn't even bother to try.
Palanca? See above.
FGS? See above.
Open Gaming Meets? Missed the last two.
I'm on hold.
My life is on hold.
I've lost my edge and become a faded muted shade of color in the background.
Why can't I move?