There was a time when I wanted to be an adult real fast. A time when I'd be playing with my lego bricks and with them, I would build a small house and a small street corner office, imaginging myself actually having an office, a job, and an apartment to go to. There was a time I anxious to be a man instead of some scrawy kid and I would grab handfuls of cotton and pose in front of the mirror pretending they were armpit hair and chest hair. Or a beard.
Now, time has passed and yes, I do have my own apartment. Yes, I do have a job and work in an office. Yes, the hair has grown in those places too (which actually is strangest since in the family I'm the only one who is hirsute with a fuzzy lovetrail leading down towards my... uhm.. back on topic. I have grown much from that time and I still find myself holding on to many things which I others might find childish.
I still read comic books, including funny comics like Calvin and Hobbes or Archie. I still have a laugh watching cartoons and anime. I still get sappy when watching Disney movies. And I still am a sucker for ice cream and chocolates.
I guess one eventually begins to understand growing up and growing older are two different things. And one can actually choose to moderate one and simply survive the other. I recall reading in a book called 'The Artist's Way by 'Julia Cameron that we all should always nurture our personal inner child. And I realise how true that is. Too many friends of mine have given up "useless" hobbies and ignored their own gifts of writing poetry or stories because "wala namang pera diyan (there's no money to be earned there)." Some even proudly claim their choice to ignore such things show they've grown up.
But is growing up really all that it is hyped to be? Or is it really just growing older that we want: the chance to be of a legal age to make our own decisions, and to be of legal age to be seen as an adult whose opinion does matter and whose capacity for things is more believeable than that of a child's.
Personally, I think I am happy with how much I've grown up. Heck, I think I've grown up enough already. And since I'm not ever going to be able to stop growing older... I guess I'm just going to spend the rest of my time having a heck of a time with my inner child... until someone comes along to play with us, so to speak.
Andre Mischa Cleofe
Cathy delos Santos