Monday, May 10, 2004

Blink.. blink...
Suddenly, Blogger itself looks new. Hmm.. I liked the old look more.
This new look with the tabs and the larger buttons feels... bulky and clunky. And I don't like the fact the preview button has to be a control+shift+p combination.

Anyway, just got back from voting today. It actually went well for me. Unlike others with hideous experiences more due to pathetic organization, mine was done pretty well with but one single gripe... many people who have finished voting were still standing nearby and their chatter was plain and simply annoying. Makes me wish I had a bigfuckinggun to blow their brains out.


So ends the long three day weekend (one of which I spent asleep for the better part of 12 hours) and tonight, its back to San Juan to clean the house, fix my stuff and get ready for the waiting tempest that is work.

Had some interesting dreams within the last few days. Lemme try to write them down.
Dream 1:
I was standing at some function. There were lots of people and everyone was dressed like they were rich and famous. Thankfully, no sign of any Tessa-Prietos. Suddenly, from one corner, an ex-love of mine appears. She asks me how things are and I end up muttering things incoherently. Do you know how sometimes while dreaming you can think clearly as if you were awake? Well, here I was suddenly wondering, "Shit, do I still actually love you? I know I broke it off, but suddenly I'm wondering if the way you loved me was so much better than the way things are today."

She notices me falling silent and, in hopes of breaking the silence, mentions that her current partner (let's call him Al) isn't here right now. "He's busy with work. He still hates your guts though, did you know that?" I simply shrugged and told her its all in the past as far as I was concerned. "I'm not the one whose holding on to grudges. I'm the one seeking to move on and make amends."

"Do you still love me?" She suddenly popped the question and looked into my eyes. I felt my breath catch. I felt her hands sliding to my side. "Do you think of me?"

It was then that it happened. I opened my mouth, planning to tell her to stop. And instead of her name, what spiralled out of my mouth was the name of the person I had fallen in love with most recently. She stared at me and muttered, "I guess that just shows who you really love..."

And I just nodded. Kissed her cheek. And walked back home to the waking lands.

I woke up nearly in tears. I felt bad for hurting her again, although I know it was just a dream. But you know, back when we were together, dreams were very important. There were those occasions we shared elements in dreams almost as if our dreams were linked. And there were many times dreams helped us understand why certain things were happening. I guess in some ways, this was closure.

Dream 2:
I was talking to relatives. Without warning, I break into song and they start singing along. I head up the steps of an old spanish house to find what would best be described as a masoleum above. Inside, a ghost rises and dances with me as I tell myself "This is perfect for a comic... The twists are just great..."

Then I wake up. I recall only what I typed above, and I have a painfully clear understanding that what I wrote above is barely 5% of what really was incredibly moving in the dream I had. I wish I recalled the dream clearly.

Dream 3:
I was on an airplane. I understood that I was leaving for the United States. A flight attendant came over and handed me a hand-written letter she was told to give me. I open it and read: "Yes, we shared love. But now, I love him more than you. We're just more alike. Don't worry.. I won't let our friendship die. Don't be bothered by the rumors you might hear, okay? I don't care what they think of me."

I blinked a few times and crumbled the letter to a ball. I threw it out the window, and it passed through the glass and flew away. I looked back at the other people and they were all chuckling, but trying not to look like they were. Insulted, I stood up and yelled something I don't recall. Then, I walked back to my seat and told my seatmate (who didn't exist earlier) "Fuck... doesn't anyone realise I'm worried about my own feelings too?" The black woman beside me laughed then handed me a comic book.

I looked at the title and all I can recall is that it had my name printed on the cover.
And the dollar value printed was $15.95

Freaky thing, later that same night... I heard from a friend who muttered something very close to the contents of the letter. Talk about strange.

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