Sunday, April 25, 2004

Yay me, I'm older
Today, my 27th birthday has come to pass.
With barely ten visitors at my house (Seth, Sam, Aldwin, Carl, Oliver, Benedict and James) to join me in my celebrations, I looked back at how the years have been to me and realise that kindness has grown more and more selfish each passing year. Too often, I have played the part of the martyr, the fool, the kind shoulder, the ever-willing soul, the passionate lover, the jilted paramor, the lonely watcher, the angry artist, the rejected writer, the middle child, the exhausted source of strength, the ignored font of ideas, and so many other roles. The numerous masks and faces I was tasked to wear, and in many cases required even to perform have exhausted every single possible year I had to the brink of self-immolation.

And yet, I live on.

Even when a paranoid repeat of the past threatens to tear away my stability, I live on.
Even when insensitivity and self-centeredness shove me to the fringes of shadows, I live on.
Even when personal goals, parasitic egos and jellyfish spines force me to support those I hate, I live on.

I live on regardless of the way old friends treat me like shit. I live on regardless of how mentors suddenly betray you to their own new cliques. I live on regardless of rumor, of spite, of ignorance, of indifference.

I shall live on and I shall continue to live on.

I once did live alone, after all.
You're all part of my life because I choose to let you be.
And I am a part of your life only when you allow me to be.

Happy 27th Birthday to me!
I'm already excited to see what crap builds up to make the next one just as memorable.

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