damn. listening to The Steward of Gondor featuring Billy Boyd, while reading everyone else's blog on how successful the SIGLO: FREEDOM launching was and realizing i wasn't there and all that just doesn't mix well for an over-worked wanna-be comic artist/writer such as myself. suddenly, i felt like a deer staring at the headlights of truth and irony: truth that i just really have to decide where my priorities lie. and irony: irony in the sense that each step i take towards something i want always means something else that i wish i didn't let go off. am i really that unhappy? am i really that impossible to make content? or am i just really pissed off that each and every fucking day of my life is a struggle of having to give in to other's wants, needs and desires. and that the very few moments i try to be just a little bit selfish, the world whacks me on the head with a reminder how everyone else in seems to be having a swell time without me.
i don't even think i'm making sense to myself anymore.
argh. i'm a people person, i always told myself. i love being around people who accept me for being myself.
i think i know why now:
cause when i'm alone. i realise.
deep down, maybe i don't like who i am.