When the creativity bug bites you, sadly, it does not lead into instant audiovisual tetanus. It leads to yearning. And wanting. And second guessing. It leads to scribbles. To panels. To storyboards. It leads to script drafts. To plot outlines. To concept art.
But it does not lead to a masterpiece.
That requires the bitten one to take the full plunge and trust the creative pyros that surges within him.
For quite some time I've gotten into a funk with other projects. Friends who used to commend me for my horror comics haven't been asking me to join anthologies or collections featuring horror. Some book collections turned down my submissions and instead opted for younger voices that wrote better lines. And a recent chance at a creative merging for short films was too quickly uncovered to be one where I was intended to just handle part of the labor.
I felt shitty. I felt used. I felt like others expected me to "write like Gaiman" or "worship their feet" before I could be acknowledged as a creative myself.
On others, however, I felt like I had disappointed them. The Immaculate Mother of Zaturnnah surely is disappointed in me never finishing my online comic, or following through with my modern fantasy book. The Car Rental of Comics King probably hoped I would have been more public friendly in my works. And some of my still present but quiet supporters, are probably disappointed I haven't been posting any creative things as of the late.
I feel a reawakening of my divine fire.
My tremendously delayed thanks to performance anxiety project, Diliman, is getting a shot of new adrenaline-rich movement as it will now be part of a North American-made documentary on the Aswang myth. Originally, the director (and now friend of mine) contacted me asking permission to use some of the artwork in his film. Now, there's discussion on having the comic itself as bundled in the DVD release, as well as conversations on the possibility of a "series of shorts" inspired by the comic.
Fandom Live! is starting to move towards new directions. While it will always celebrate its "garage" roots, more people are starting to appreciate the quirky shows.
And the idea of shooting some shorts are starting to pump back into my system.
The creativity dog is hunting me again. It has caught another whiff of my scent.
Maybe this time, I'll let it bite deep.
And creative works are gonna froth out of my mouth for all to see.