Wednesday, April 29, 2009

Composed April 29, 2009 - Shelved for now

There is a certain degree of sadness that comes with knowing how things have been turning out for me this past few months.  While Egg and I have found a powerful and undeniable bond between us, the repercussions of this bond are hard to ignore.  And while both of us have tried to remain as contained and non-confrontational as much as possible, I will have to admit that in many ways I have been the more vocal one out of my need to at least get some degree of our side out into the open.

The sadness comes from the fact that with everything that has happened, there are some who have tried to paint the events that have unfolded in a less truthful light.  Illusions of perfect relationships being ruined by another man abound.  Lots of talk of could haves and what nots, ultimately things which frankly could and SHOULD have been done during the seven years of opportunity that existed but never were.  Claims of having been unfairly shafted.   So many things have been raised out onto public viewing rather than discussed privately and calmly, and these are very distressing considering this was after years of being together and knowing the truth about how things were back then.

Understandably, there is the one who feels pain.  The one who feels shattered.  And these are valid emotions.  But at the same time, it can be terribly concerning to see how come the end of things, it is far too easy for one to simply "color" everything as if the person was the victim the whole time.  The absolute lack of genuine concern for how this affects the other is saddening indeed.   How easy it was for one to throw away all the sacrifices and tribulations the other had to endure for seven plus years.  How easy it was for one to care only about his own self image once again.

My Egg reminds me of course to let it slide.  To leave it be.  That this does not concern me.  That this is between them.

But considering how such claims are posted in a public venue, I feel the need to at least post as well something that in a way conveys our side of the matter.  While both of us don't believe in sinking to any particular level, or having to explain ourselves, I find myself refusing to allow my Egg to painted in such an unfair manner, considering the truth of the details in the way things unfolded.

Its easy to play victim when one neglects to state certain key truths after all:
Open relationships.  Single profiles.  Imaginary boyfriend.  Cash cow.  Overspending.  Nightly flirting.  Paying less.  Cooking only when in the mood.  Vacations before Cats.  "Given to me"

I can go on and on.  The list is tremendously long.  And frankly, one should commend my Egg for being tolerant, patient and forgiving all those years.   Hell, if I was the one in those shoes, I'd to the very least remember all these things and come the break up, at least try to paint it as a "mutual decision" to make the ending come smoother.  Maybe even allow some semblance of reason to exist.  And a potential for being friends in the future.

But no.  Its far too easy to just paint oneself as a victim.  To claim the only blood and tears that were ever spent were one's own.  That paradise was real until some bloody green serpent showed up and ruined it all.   Its far much easier to do that.  Far much more dramatic too.  Ang ganda ng image na ganun.   Conducive to finding a new cash cow pa.  Easier to claim depression and blame all lack of responsibility on it.

Enough is enough.

Enough with could haves and lies.  Enough with the drama and the pathetic belief the world revolves around you.  And trust me, its not even about you anymore.  Maybe at some point in time everyone watched That's Entertainment, but shows come and go.   Truths remain forever though.   The storms have come and guess what, you deserved it.  The clouds wept for you not because they care - they simply actually just produce rain.  The world is bigger than you.  This is bigger than you.   We are bigger than you.

We won't play your games anymore.
I know I won't.

Push comes to shove, the words shall flow free.
No drama.  No romanticizing of things.  Just plain clear facts.
And we can let the world judge us in the end.

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