HMMM...

Just realized how I am standing at the very event horizon of so many things. My life has suddenly found itself nearing a point where all these possible directions may spring forth. Some are good. Some are great. Some are not so good. And some are long delayed and should have been done a long time ago.

The finalists for the 1st Philippine Graphic/Fiction Awards are out and there are a lot of good stuff out there. My current favorites are A SONG FOR VARGAS and THE OMEGA PROJECT. And to those who were very supportive of me, no I did not make the cut. Again. I am starting to see a pattern of failed attempts to gain notice with my written work. Neither did my comic make any waves of recognition.

Diliman's fated last issue is still undigitized, which is sad since I have been holding on to the artwork for the longest time now. I know I should just finish it so that it may finally be completed. I just haven't gotten a hold of resources (namely a scanner and more time) to do it.

Bangungot is terribly on hold. I have drawn the next eight pages but like Diliman, I haven't found the resources to work on them and post them online.

Even my latest attempt, Me as a Superhero, is on hold. And that one doesn't even need a scanner. I just realize that I nobody really seems to be interested in my work lately. And I have been focusing more on other things too. So there hasn't been any pressure to get them back on the deadlines I set. I wonder though, should I get back to them? Or just move on and accept the new directions life is offering?

Stopped writing my weekly SLINGING INK articles. I dunno. Kinda wondered if anyone would notice. Didn't seem like it. Have to admit it was fun to challenge myself to write something every week. Cheated a few times with pre-written articles though.

Still proud of my recent writing though. The Nanowrimo novel I made (Sky Diving Without Parachutes) is still fun reading. Got my fanfics (there intellectual masturbation, I admit. Fun though!) Then I got a short film screen play in the works with Ma-an, another short which I hope to shoot sometime soon. And two other writing projects (both waiting for the go-signal to work on them) with James.

Then, there's the writer's forum thing where I join a panel with Dean and Nikki Alfar (not sure who else is in it) next weekend. I guess I am to represent the non-professional writer in the panel. Or something like that.) I don't really know if the people who will attend the forum would even recognize me. But I guess I would have stuff to share one way or another.

There was a Love and Heartbreak, part 2 with Elbert which seems to have been cancelled/forgotten/something like that. WAN never continued to TU due to work and changes in direction of what to work on. There's a bunch of stories submitted to a horror mag which haven't seen the light of print. (Neither do I think I will get paid for them but I guess that's part of being non-prof at this stage)

There's the ALAMAT story which I wrote for Budjette and to my awe was editted by David Hontiveros. Had it illustrated by Alex Castro II, but sadly, I think he forgot to hand me the finished pages. Still looking for him again. I hope he hasn't resigned and vanished.

Still remember Carl telling me to release a new comic. One with the writing better tightened together. One where I really give my all. And I haven't succeeded in doing that yet. I promised myself I would before I leave.

On the matter of relationships, Panda bear Isha and I just attended two gigs last night. First, we attended EKSENA at Kolumn Bar in Timog and watched a few Roxlee shorts as well as watched a few performances. I was impromptu host for the evening, drafted by Ma-an to help in the event. Had fun naman kahit medyo weird yung event. Then from there, we ran to SaGuijo in Makati to catch Kadangyan (See info links here and here), an ethinic modern group that we first heard of during Fete de la Musique at Mall of Asia. To those who attended, Kadangyan is the band that played the very lively ethnic tunes which got everyone dancing and singing. Was able to grab a cd of their music for Isha and me. If you are a fan too, comment back and I'll be sure to post any future schedules here so you know.

Some people have asked me what I really feel about her upcoming immigration to Canada. Like I posted before, I am happy for them and very excited for her. There are so many opportunities, work-wise and creativity-wise out there to indulge into! Part of me does feel sad that things may... change or become a bit more complicated. But then again, life is always filled with such surprises. Maybe it means its time for me too to fly and embrace opportunity. Or maybe it means time to consider Canada instead of the United States. Or maybe it means its time to start over. Frankly, I don't know and I am not sure I can decide what it means yet. But I do plan to make sense of things more when the time comes.

It isn't easy, I will admit that. There are times I find myself emotionally raw and feeling more like just wanting to stop thinking entirely and going with the flow. And there are times I find myself imagining the future and already considering decisions that have to be made. But most of the time, all that matters is the day. One day at a time.

Have to keep reminding myself though.
No day but today.