I can't do this right now. I want to let it out and free myself from some stress but damn it, writing it on this blog isn't an option. So all I can do is write about how much I want to fucking write about it and let it out. PUNTANG INA... Who would have thought that things can affect a person even if they have happened so long ago. Even if they were things that have been "fixed" already. And who would have thought I'd be going through these feelings and frustrations tonight, of all nights, while at work. Last thing I need is someone here at my office seeing me in this state.
Oh, that would just make a huge world of things even worse.
Times like this, a little voice in the back of my head starts whispering, "So why haven't you just upped and gone off to the United States to get that Master's degree and bring home that fucking Oscar then?" You know what... those reasons too are things I can never really write about. PUNYETA. That's how it has to be. Living in a world where people who have never even met you would tear you down and spread malicious things about to on the behest of others... exposing my vulnerabilities to that extent is a risk I rather live without, thank you very much. One man's patience and generosity can only go so far. Much less one man's respect for those who cannot respect him back.
At least there are always good things to focus on instead.
Like Tori Amos. And White Wolf Games. And DSL connections that work. And good friends who actually are people who care about you. And parents. And siblings. And nephews and neices. And movie scores. And indie comic books. And dreams. And Clive Barker. And American Beauty. And H.R. Giger's Alien. And pigs. And piglets. And tocino. And inihaw na okra. And boneless bangus. And bagoong balayan. And free food. And videoke. And staying up all night. And Cherry Coke. And Blogs.
Well, that was an attempt.
Didn't help much, but it did at least stop the urge to throw the computer monitor at the nearest window and watch the glass shards fall with the rain.
I'm heading home, damn it.
And yes, FUCK Kill Bill vol.2
I'll just watch the pirated version when I have the chance.