Tuesday, July 29, 2003

Happy Depression
I'm suffering from that right now.

I decided to watch You Got Mail today after having a terribly stressful day hoping to ease the burdens and pains of being a cog in the machine known as ABS-CBN Global Ltd. After laughing with Tom Hanks and having my heart strings twisted with Meg Ryan, I found myself suffering from a terribly confusing bout of happiness and depression.

I tell you, it was horrible. I didn't know whether I was smiling or crying at each second that passed.

I believe in Love, you see.
I believe in the idealistic, poetic, romantic and pathetic description of Love.

I believe in a Love that sweeps you of your feet, tickles your toes, kisses you softly and whispers to you at night that you are happy, loved and accepted wholly. Totally. Absolutely. And that any thing that isn't good for you is eased away. And the best of you shines out so bright that those around you cannot help but be flooded by the Love you are in.

But I also believe in reality.
And in the truth that love needs compromise. Love needs rules. Love has limits.
And that Love alone cannot keep you alive.

There was a time not too long ago that someone tore my heart out, chewed it and squeezed it so hard til I realised idealistic love isn't real. That person ripped away my "belief in such illusions." That person made me realise that I was "wasting my time believing in such love." Of course, after a slew of mistakes from both ends, we ended up living separate lives. And sadly, not even remaining as friends.

But now, I realise I do still believe in Love.
And I am thankful that I didn't end up with someone who thinks any romantic notion of how Love should be isn't real unless it conforms to that person's personal dictates on how it should be.

I am happy.
And I am depressed.

And right now, I can't help but wish my computer would suddenly surprise me and say, You Got Mail.

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