Star TrekF Uniform Fitting

Makes me wish I got one too.
Oh well.

Deep breath...

Shelved a much longer more intensive post.
While I'm really angry at how a certain someone continues to color events with spin-doctored details, I agree with my Egg that my incendiary post might best be shelved for now under my draft folder.  Some people might not be able to handle the truths in it.

So yeah, all I am gonna say is being honestly happy beats living a lie and spending someone else's money any day.

And no, this post isn't about you.
It is simply about the truth.

Live with it.

Composed April 29, 2009 - Shelved for now

There is a certain degree of sadness that comes with knowing how things have been turning out for me this past few months.  While Egg and I have found a powerful and undeniable bond between us, the repercussions of this bond are hard to ignore.  And while both of us have tried to remain as contained and non-confrontational as much as possible, I will have to admit that in many ways I have been the more vocal one out of my need to at least get some degree of our side out into the open.

The sadness comes from the fact that with everything that has happened, there are some who have tried to paint the events that have unfolded in a less truthful light.  Illusions of perfect relationships being ruined by another man abound.  Lots of talk of could haves and what nots, ultimately things which frankly could and SHOULD have been done during the seven years of opportunity that existed but never were.  Claims of having been unfairly shafted.   So many things have been raised out onto public viewing rather than discussed privately and calmly, and these are very distressing considering this was after years of being together and knowing the truth about how things were back then.

Understandably, there is the one who feels pain.  The one who feels shattered.  And these are valid emotions.  But at the same time, it can be terribly concerning to see how come the end of things, it is far too easy for one to simply "color" everything as if the person was the victim the whole time.  The absolute lack of genuine concern for how this affects the other is saddening indeed.   How easy it was for one to throw away all the sacrifices and tribulations the other had to endure for seven plus years.  How easy it was for one to care only about his own self image once again.

My Egg reminds me of course to let it slide.  To leave it be.  That this does not concern me.  That this is between them.

But considering how such claims are posted in a public venue, I feel the need to at least post as well something that in a way conveys our side of the matter.  While both of us don't believe in sinking to any particular level, or having to explain ourselves, I find myself refusing to allow my Egg to painted in such an unfair manner, considering the truth of the details in the way things unfolded.

Its easy to play victim when one neglects to state certain key truths after all:
Open relationships.  Single profiles.  Imaginary boyfriend.  Cash cow.  Overspending.  Nightly flirting.  Paying less.  Cooking only when in the mood.  Vacations before Cats.  "Given to me"

I can go on and on.  The list is tremendously long.  And frankly, one should commend my Egg for being tolerant, patient and forgiving all those years.   Hell, if I was the one in those shoes, I'd to the very least remember all these things and come the break up, at least try to paint it as a "mutual decision" to make the ending come smoother.  Maybe even allow some semblance of reason to exist.  And a potential for being friends in the future.

But no.  Its far too easy to just paint oneself as a victim.  To claim the only blood and tears that were ever spent were one's own.  That paradise was real until some bloody green serpent showed up and ruined it all.   Its far much easier to do that.  Far much more dramatic too.  Ang ganda ng image na ganun.   Conducive to finding a new cash cow pa.  Easier to claim depression and blame all lack of responsibility on it.

Enough is enough.

Enough with could haves and lies.  Enough with the drama and the pathetic belief the world revolves around you.  And trust me, its not even about you anymore.  Maybe at some point in time everyone watched That's Entertainment, but shows come and go.   Truths remain forever though.   The storms have come and guess what, you deserved it.  The clouds wept for you not because they care - they simply actually just produce rain.  The world is bigger than you.  This is bigger than you.   We are bigger than you.

We won't play your games anymore.
I know I won't.

Push comes to shove, the words shall flow free.
No drama.  No romanticizing of things.  Just plain clear facts.
And we can let the world judge us in the end.

Deep breath...

Shelved a much longer more intensive post.
While I'm really angry at how a certain someone continues to color events with spin-doctored details, I agree with my Egg that my incendiary post might best be shelved for now under my draft folder. Some people might not be able to handle the truths in it.

So yeah, all I am gonna say is being honestly happy beats living a lie and spending someone else's money any day.

And no, this post isn't about you.
It is simply about the truth.

Live with it.

Fandom Live!- Idiot's Guide to Star Trek

Yes, I have no shame.
Bwahahaha!  The things I do for the show.

Fandom Live!- Idiot's Guide to Star Trek

Yes, I have no shame.
Bwahahaha! The things I do for the show.

Status update: Apartment Hunting

When one has an Egg, one learns to prepare for nesting.  The best way to do this is to search for an apartment.

Currently, a fantastic option has come to our awareness.  This place is situated at Cubao, and will make doing Fandom Live every Sunday even more fun and easy to do.  Here's hoping it works out!

Wish us luck!

Happy Birthday to Me

Just keeping it simple this year.
I'm now 32 years old
and its only now I realize
that I truly, really feel
that my life is beginning.

I love you, Egg.
You're the first one to every truly absolutely honestly
accept me for who and what I am.

Birthday Celebration with the Geeks

Hit 32 years old this year. Celebrated it with the geeks of the New World Alliance. In many ways this group has become my second family, having been a source of acceptance, strength, shared joy and hilarious memories. Thank you so much for being a special part of my life, guys.

Happy Brithday to Me

2009 April 25 - Birthday snack with my trainees in ABBA eTranscript and training services.

Status update: Apartment Hunting

When one has an Egg, one learns to prepare for nesting. The best way to do this is to search for an apartment.

Currently, a fantastic option has come to our awareness. This place is situated at Cubao, and will make doing Fandom Live every Sunday even more fun and easy to do. Here's hoping it works out!

Wish us luck!

Happy Birthday to Me

Just keeping it simple this year.
I'm now 32 years old
and its only now I realize
that I truly, really feel
that my life is beginning.

I love you, Egg.
You're the first one to every truly absolutely honestly
accept me for who and what I am.

Quickie Fiction: Help

The two monks moved stealthily, their own shadows chasing after them as they made their separate ways through the winding corridors of the Seat of Faith.  When Ammen's dying warning reached their ears, the two monks immediately vocalized messages through the song to each other and communicated a place to rendezvous in secret.  Tajuc sent out a staccato message to Nayd and failing to receive any reply realized that the third monk was already dead.  Informing Romac of his discovery, Tajuc took a gamble and decided to return to the stables.  It was quite unlikely, he reasoned, that the assassin would still be there.

Romac reached the rendezvous point earlier than Tajuc.  In a small sack, he had carried with him his personal tuning dagger, some coin and his ragged book of psalms.  A member of the Voice of the Faith typically owned such a book; new intonations, harmonies and songs learned would be transcribed in them for review.  Fewer more dedicated monks would use it for the more studious study, understanding and the composition of new songs.  Romac was one of those who did just that.  Quickly opening his book, he skimmed through the pages to search for an experimental piece he had composed that may prove useful against the assassins.  Combining the softer chords of Auhm, the harmony of the divine fire with high notes of Vitaesis, Romac had theorized one could create a melody that allowed a person to perceive beyond the normal human range of senses.  Heat would become visible to one's naked eye.  The assassins were soundless and Ammen's warning suggested they had a mastery of stealth.   Romac hoped the melody he had written would work as he had hoped.

Tajuc saw the bloody remains of his friend and fought the urge to rush forward and offer final bitter farewells.  There is no time to mourn the dead, he reminded himself and quickly scanned the stables if there was anyone else present.  While the other dragons seemed to be contently sleeping in their pens, one dragon was awake and noiselessly observed the monk.  Tajuc looked at the bloody wall and saw the senseless markings that were written in his friend's own blood.  Looking past the wall, Tajuc saw the party broken pen and the dragon inside that quietly observed him.

"You saw what happened?"

The dragon nodded in response.  Tajuc shook his head in disbelief.  "And you did not try to help him?"

The dragon smashed its tail against the damaged portions of the cage.  A small whirlwind, barely a foot tall, manifested at Tajuc's feet, causing some dust and other trash to swirl.

"The assassin," Tajuc continued his line of inquiry, "You saw what it looked like?"

The dragon undulated its still growing hair.  It was, after all, younger than most dragons that were present.  Tajuc deciphered the motions and nodded in agreement.  "The Kabal.  Some rumors say the Kabal is merely a myth.  That in truth they are merely guards in fancy clothing.  Others whisper of the Kabal as some dark reminder of a painful song the current Hierophant once sang in hopes of further defending the Sea of Faith.  You are certain it was one of the Kabal."

The dragon nodded.

Chambers away, Romac completed the melody and felt the winding music begin to coil around him like a reassuring snake.  Romac saw his field of vision exponentially become a colorful observation of what he looked at, with varying hues suggesting if a person is gifted, if a weapon was drawn, and if the other was in a good or not too good state of health.  That very moment Romac completed the melody, his eyes caught sight of the Kabal assassin literally waiting for him to be too distracted to notice the killing blow.  The assassin had blended among the shadows and simply waited for the right moment to strike.

Can't let him know I can see him, Romac reminded himself and tried to stay calm.  He knew he too had to wait for the perfect moment to enact his counter stroke.

Tajuc had unlocked the cages of two dragons in the stable.  Neither had found their Others nor chosen to share an Onus Bond with a servant of the Faith.  The first was an older dragon compared to the one which tried to help Ammen.  With scales that mirrored the sky of a coming dawn, hints of purple still mingled among the hues that shifted from red to orange.  In a few years, the dragon's saffron hues would shine and come enough summers, become truly golden.  Like all the other dragons, its snake-like form defied the fact it was a strong and mighty beast capable of flight.  Its wings, like most dragons could spread out from its midsection, each wing the length of its body, or be folded completely compact against its own side, concealing any trace of the beast's ability to fly.  It had only two manifested horns upon its head.  A second pair had barely erupted from the scales, and were mere bumps upon the scaled head of the beast.   Its eyes were like a tiny flame that sought more fuel to grow.  Tajuc learned it referred to itself as Adubiem.   The second dragon was a full adult, with an armored body that celebrated the hues of steel.  Its wings, which numbered six rather than the typical two, were tiny foot long protrusions upon its slender body.  Azure eyes set against a dark void peered from its angular face.  It named itself Akmati and like Adubiem, it had not ceased to seek its own Other.

"My brother and I seek your service.  News had reaches us of one in the Faith who has found his Other.  And the Hierophant has reacted in a manner which brings us to question what fate may lie in store for the two.  Will you assist us?" Tajuc asked the two dragons, and both dragons glanced at one another, surprised by the monk's forwardness.  

There was no hesitation however in their reply.  Both signaled yes.

Romac however embraced in his thoughts the word no.  While his beard helped conceal the focus in his eyes and fear in his heart, the knowledge of the eventual combat was a bit more obvious in his hands.  His fingers trembled with contained anticipation.   He was far from weaponless, having long been a practitioner of the Dragon song intonations and harmonies, but he was also well aware that the assassin was someone who was stalking its prey within the Seat of Faith.   That certainly defined the assassin to be of considerable skill.

With his song-enhanced perceptions, Romac had noted that the assassin had remained in the same place for the last five minutes.  It seemed seemingly preoccupied and reading a tome did not present himself as a viable target.  Maybe he needed to present himself a bit more vulnerable.  Was it because the Kabal sensed the song he had enchanted himself with?  Or was it because he had a tuning dagger close at hand?

Misdirection it seemed would be necessary to further lure the assassin closer. 

Romac rose to his full height, leaving both the book of psalms and dagger on the floor.  He walked up towards the nearby window and was careful to not move too close and become an easy kill.  Romac's intentions after all, was to lure the assassin closer, and not allow himself to become an target easily thrown out the window.   He felt the cold rush of wind and pretended to enjoy the view.  The assassin still remained still.   The lure needed to be more appealing.  The target needed to look more vulnerable.  Romac decided to risk it and closed his eyes.  A moment of prayer.  A moment of sleep.   Or at least, Romac mused, the assassin would think that was what it was.

He did not anticipate that the assassin was keen enough to see past even that.  With a wordless motion, the assassin had signaled his companion to approach from the other side.  The Kabal had anticipated Romac to be a far more difficult target and had taken steps to deal with him more efficiently.  The scar upon the monk's face, one that was dealt to him by the Patermaster himself, was proof of this.  Romac was a survivor in many ways.  A warrior more than a monk.

The two assassins closed in for a kill, their deadly weapons ready to sup upon the monk's blood.

Spring Awakening: Touch Me

Melchior:
Where I go, when i go there,
No more memory anymore-
Only men on distant ships,
The women with them, swimming with them, to shore...

Moritz:
Where I go, when I go there,
No more whispering anymore-
Only hymns upon your lips;
A mystic wisdom, rising with them, to shore...

Ernst:
Touch me-just like that.
And that-oh, yeah-now, that's heaven.
Now, that I like.
God that's so nice.
Now lower down, where the figs lie...

Moritz: (Spoken)
Still, you must admit, with the two anatomies, it truly is daunting.
I mean how everything might..

Melchior: (Spoken)
Measure up?

Moritz: (Spoken)
Not that I'm saying I wouldn't...I wouldn't want to not...would ever not want to...

Melchior: (Spoken)
Moritz?

Moritz: (Spoken)
I have to go.

Melchior: (Spoken)
Moritz, wait.

Otto:
Where I go when I go there,
No more shadows anymore-
Only men with golden fins;
The rythm in them, rocking with them, to shore...

Georg:
Where I go when I go there,
no more weeping anymore.
Only in and out your lips;
the broken wishes, washing with them, to shore.

All:
Touch me-all silent.
Tell me-please-all is forgiven.
Consume my wine.
Consume my mind.
I'll tell you how, how the winds sigh...

Touch me-just try it.
Now there-that's it-God that's heavan.
Touch me.
I'll love your light.
I'll love you right...
We'll wander down, where the sins lie...

Touch me-just like that.
Now lower down, where the sins lie...

Love me-just for bit...
We'll wander down, where the winds sigh...
Where the winds sigh...
Where the winds sigh...

Spring Awakening: Touch Me

Melchior:
Where I go, when i go there,
No more memory anymore-
Only men on distant ships,
The women with them, swimming with them, to shore...

Moritz:
Where I go, when I go there,
No more whispering anymore-
Only hymns upon your lips;
A mystic wisdom, rising with them, to shore...

Ernst:
Touch me-just like that.
And that-oh, yeah-now, that's heaven.
Now, that I like.
God that's so nice.
Now lower down, where the figs lie...

Moritz: (Spoken)
Still, you must admit, with the two anatomies, it truly is daunting.
I mean how everything might..

Melchior: (Spoken)
Measure up?

Moritz: (Spoken)
Not that I'm saying I wouldn't...I wouldn't want to not...would ever not want to...

Melchior: (Spoken)
Moritz?

Moritz: (Spoken)
I have to go.

Melchior: (Spoken)
Moritz, wait.

Otto:
Where I go when I go there,
No more shadows anymore-
Only men with golden fins;
The rythm in them, rocking with them, to shore...

Georg:
Where I go when I go there,
no more weeping anymore.
Only in and out your lips;
the broken wishes, washing with them, to shore.

All:
Touch me-all silent.
Tell me-please-all is forgiven.
Consume my wine.
Consume my mind.
I'll tell you how, how the winds sigh...

Touch me-just try it.
Now there-that's it-God that's heavan.
Touch me.
I'll love your light.
I'll love you right...
We'll wander down, where the sins lie...

Touch me-just like that.
Now lower down, where the sins lie...

Love me-just for bit...
We'll wander down, where the winds sigh...
Where the winds sigh...
Where the winds sigh...

icky Love boOsTer I am a good person. I was raised with values. I was brought up to have morals. I grew up knowing that there are rules and that they were made to be followed. And I am well aware that there are times rules cannot apply, as well as the fact there have been times that I have broken the rules with a clear understanding that I have chosen to do so. But I definitely understand how in a relationship certain rules must always apply. The first is Trust. In any relationship, there has to be trust. Real trust. Honest trust. Not the kind where you sleep around in secret while your partner waits for you at home. Not the kind where you tell the rest of the world you're single almost as if you're embarrassed to admit someone holds your heart. You must have trust and it must be real. Some people mistake being possessive for trust. Other people mistake being investigative as a test of trust. Ultimately trust is not something you do. It is something you live with another person. And when this kind of trust is broken, and one honestly and truly hopes to regain it and repair the damage wrought by its abuse, the one who has done this can NEVER ever claim to have fully paid their dues. That is not the breaker's right. That is not the breaker's choice. For something that is lived, the breaker for the rest of his life will and must do what he can to regain it. And if that breaker does it again. And again. One can only imagine the level of selfish pride that person could have to even claim he's paid his dues. Trust is a tangible thing in a relationship. It is a good pair of worn yet study shoes that helps a couple get through adversity. It is a well-made umbrella that can hold up against any storm. Sometimes, it might leak. Or sometimes, some rocks might slip in and make the toes hurt, but only an intentional act can truly break it, and only a lie from the start can make it weak from the beginning. The second rule is Sensitivity. In a relationship, two people choose to share their lives to each other. Two people allow their experiences to become a wonderfully symbiotic swirl of lives, dreams, fears and passions to interweave and flow with each other. But this closeness has a price and that price is the rule of sensitivity. One should never ever focus solely on oneself or simply wait for the other to complain. One must learn to feel his partner's nuances and to be able to read his partner's reactions. This is a bit trickier due to the simple fact many relationships tend to have their own little games. Even worse with the fact many people tend to think the games ARE necessary for a relationship to work. But no, a real relationship works because in terms of sensitivity, the partners are well aware of each other's feelings, and know when something goes too far or if something is getting abusively selfish. It is easy to mistake sensitivity for many less-favorable things: Being overly sensitive or emotionally melodramatic is not being sensitive. Neither is being over-protective or jealous. While any normal relationship may have some level of teasing, joking around, light-hearted games or moments of being mysterious or secretive for the right reasons, sensitivity kicks in when one considers simple questions: How will my partner really feel about me doing this? Would I be okay if this is done by my partner as well? One doesn't need to have telepathy or to wait for a fight to know if the other is hurt or demeaned by one's actions. One merely has to be sensitive. And yes, it can get very hard to be sensitive if one's focus is more on how others would view you as a couple. Many couples get too caught up in "looking good and perfect" for those around them, they forget to consider how the partner might already be feeling internally. The third rule is Patience. In many ways, this is a tough rule. After all, patience can too easily be confused with being passive. Or being non-responsive. But if one has learned to bear in mind the first two rules, trust and sensitivity can make patience pretty much second nature to accomplish. Patience sadly is the one most easily abused as well by a partner who fails to truly have the first two rules. In a relationship, one has to learn that the role of patience goes far beyond merely waiting for the other to get home from work, or to wait for say, a few minutes after an unresponded to message then complain or suspect something is up. Patience is learning to accept the simple truth that we are all individuals - people with their own interests, dreams, hobbies and sources of joy. In some cases, we find someone who shares many of this. In others, we find our differences make the relationship more interesting. Patience is what allows us to love the fact that our partner finds joys in other things as well, and shares that experience with us. Patience in a healthy relationship is going to see a movie you don't normally see because you will enjoy seeing your partner who has been waiting to see it for months so happy to watch it. Or watching one go shopping and not being impatient, because you know the other is aware you are waiting and still wants to make the right choice. It is spending time together in a room, quietly busy with your own responsibilities or hobbies, but never feeling the need to demand attention from the other. It is understanding that a relationship will always have some level of give and take. It is clearly embracing the fact that, thanks to trust and sensitivity, you do this because you are happy how it makes your partner happy, and you know your partner does the same for you. The last rule for me Responsibility. In a relationship that works, both partners are responsible. This is a responsibility that reflects the first three rules and at the same time reinforces them. From the most basic level, in a relationship, both partners know what they have to do from the economic to the emotional level. This, after all, ain't The SIMS where one can create a person in the house solely made to work all day and generate money while the other person burns through the funds, parties all night and lives the life in some ways all of us secretly hope to have thanks to how popular media has brainwashed us. This is real life. Money is required to buy food, to pay the bills, and work is necessary to get that money. Beyond merely monetary responsibilities, there are of course other responsibilities such as keeping the house clean, having food to eat, making sure the budget is maintained and never neglecting your children (typically at the start, your pets) and their own needs. And even beyond that, there are the personal responsibilities as well as the responsibilities to one's partner. No, I don't mean having to "update them when you are out" because that's covered in trust and sensitivity and patience. I don't mean pointing fingers either at who should have done what and whatnot. But I mean, remembering to have time for your partner one way or another at the same time being aware of how limited the time can also be. I mean making plans with your partner to enjoy the fruits of your hard-earned cash together and not simply splurging it unless someone complains. I mean understanding one cannot condense failing in the first three rules for a number of years, being forgiven and given more than just a second chance, then making a huge fuss when your partner makes a similar mistake. Responsibility in many ways is similar to being equal. Being fair. And once again, while absolute equality is impossible (after all, we aren't able to literally measure experiences and events and cut them in half) it can be accomplished with the first three rules guiding you. And each time you accomplish it, the first three rules are even strengthened further. Some of you readers might find it strange that love isn't a rule. Or why other things like honesty or communication are not listed as rules. Personally, its because they aren't rules. Honesty is a choice born from one's desire to accomplish Trust. Honesty is also a choice to achieve a level of sensitivity. Communication is developed in the yearning to achieve all four rules better. And Love? Love was always the elusive factor in any relationship. Truth be told, many relationships existed before love came into the picture. Some forged relationships out of sheer lust and the desire to have more frequent sex. Others were created out of necessity, be it due to cultural, societal or financial reasons. There are even a few that exist out of the sole need to appear to be together. Then there are those who learn to love each other. Many believe this is the best form of love. But few realize this is looking at things in reverse. This has the frightening possibility of mistaking compromise and settling for "the second best" as love. This is looking at love as the "reason" the four rules must be achieved. You hear people saying, "I HAVE to trust him cause I love him," rather than "I love him because I can trust him." While it sounds more romantic to say the first, its not being realistic. And there are those, rarer still, fall in love. Not the first time you meet you want to know what the other is like in bed. Not the when you first looked at the other person you realized that person was the splitting image of your biggest celebrity crush. Not the we meet and we knew it was forever. Although in some odd ways, things that start that way CAN still lead to falling in love. Falling in love isn't about when it happens. It is about simply feeling love is actually present and real because the four rules above are constantly lived and nourished in the relationship. It is learning to treat the other person the way you know you too should be treated, and achieving a life shared despite being two actual physical individuals. And from that symbiotic relationship, the four rules very easily and naturally come into place. Cause that's what love ultimately is: A mutual level of trust, sensitivity, patience and responsibility that encourages honesty, passion, communication, openness and loyalty. And love cannot be faked. No matter how many other people you convince otherwise with lies. I am a good person. And one of my mistakes was getting interested in someone who wasn't free. While I can state the facts that their relationship, before they broke up, was not founded on these rules, I will plainly admit the fact what I did was still something others would look unkindly towards. However, between me and the other person, the rules are there. We live them. Every single day. Every single second. And we fell in love. Something this real doesn't happen every day. Something this connected is worth seeing to the end. I have no regrets. Soon, opinions will come. Insults will be thrown. Claims be made. The facts can be gathered. Or opinions might just be shared. Maybe there will be lies. Maybe half-truths. Maybe holier than thou statements or declarations of supposed moral fiber. But ultimately the truth shall be clear. Our lives shall prove it. Demonstrate it. Reveal it. This is real. This is love. This is worth it. ---------------------------------------- strange title? Maybe. There is a meaning in everything after all. other title choices included: "Call me what you will.." (but it sounded too aggressive), "the Four Real Rules of Love" (but that seemed too boring, although has viral potential) Non-Fiction: Why I don't Do Quickies (but only works for those who know I usually post Quickie Fiction) and The Rules (which kinda was too vague).

icky Love bOosTer

I am a good person.

I was raised with values. I was brought up to have morals.  I grew up knowing that there are rules and that they were made to be followed.   And I am well aware that there are times rules cannot apply, as well as the fact there have been times that I have broken the rules with a clear understanding that I have chosen to do so.

But I definitely understand how in a relationship certain rules must always apply.

The first is Trust.

In any relationship, there has to be trust.  Real trust.  Honest trust.   Not the kind where you sleep around in secret while your partner waits for you at home.  Not the kind where you tell the rest of the world you're single almost as if you're embarrassed to admit someone holds your heart.   You must have trust and it must be real.

Some people mistake being possessive for trust.   Other people mistake being investigative as a test of trust.  Ultimately trust is not something you do.  It is something you live with another person.  And when this kind of trust is broken, and one honestly and truly hopes to regain it and repair the damage wrought by its abuse, the one who has done this can NEVER ever claim to have fully paid their dues.   That is not the breaker's right.  That is not the breaker's choice.   For something that is lived, the breaker for the rest of his life will and must do what he can to regain it.

And if that breaker does it again.   And again.   One can only imagine the level of selfish pride that person could have to even claim he's paid his dues.

Trust is a tangible thing in a relationship.  It is a good pair of worn yet study shoes that helps a couple get through adversity.  It is a well-made umbrella that can hold up against any storm.  Sometimes, it might leak.  Or sometimes, some rocks might slip in and make the toes hurt, but only an intentional act can truly break it, and only a lie from the start can make it weak from the beginning.

The second rule is Sensitivity.

In a relationship, two people choose to share their lives to each other.   Two people allow their experiences to become a wonderfully symbiotic swirl of lives, dreams, fears and passions to interweave and flow with each other.  But this closeness has a price and that price is the rule of sensitivity.  One should never ever focus solely on oneself or simply wait for the other to complain.  One must learn to feel his partner's nuances and to be able to read his partner's reactions.  This is a bit trickier due to the simple fact many relationships tend to have their own little games.  Even worse with the fact many people tend to think the games ARE necessary for a relationship to work.

But no, a real relationship works because in terms of sensitivity, the partners are well aware of each other's feelings, and know when something goes too far or if something is getting abusively selfish.

It is easy to mistake sensitivity for many less-favorable things:  Being overly sensitive or emotionally melodramatic is not being sensitive.  Neither is being over-protective or jealous.  While any normal relationship may have some level of teasing, joking around, light-hearted games or moments of being mysterious or secretive for the right reasons, sensitivity kicks in when one considers simple questions:  How will my partner really feel about me doing this?  Would I be okay if this is done by my partner as well?  

One doesn't need to have telepathy or to wait for a fight to know if the other is hurt or demeaned by one's actions.  One merely has to be sensitive.  And yes, it can get very hard to be sensitive if one's focus is more on how others would view you as a couple.  Many couples get too caught up in "looking good and perfect" for those around them, they forget to consider how the partner might already be feeling internally.

The third rule is Patience.  

In many ways, this is a tough rule.  After all, patience can too easily be confused with being passive.  Or being non-responsive.  But if one has learned to bear in mind the first two rules, trust and sensitivity can make patience pretty much second nature to accomplish.

Patience sadly is the one most easily abused as well by a partner who fails to truly have the first two rules.  In a relationship, one has to learn that the role of patience goes far beyond merely waiting for the other to get home from work, or to wait for say, a few minutes after an unresponded to message then complain or suspect something is up.  Patience is learning to accept the simple truth that we are all individuals - people with their own interests, dreams, hobbies and sources of joy.  In some cases, we find someone who shares many of this.  In others, we find our differences make the relationship more interesting.   Patience is what allows us to love the fact that our partner finds joys in other things as well, and shares that experience with us.  Patience in a healthy relationship is going to see a movie you don't normally see because you will enjoy seeing your partner who has been waiting to see it for months so happy to watch it.   Or watching one go shopping and not being impatient, because you know the other is aware you are waiting and still wants to make the right choice.  It is spending time together in a room, quietly busy with your own responsibilities or hobbies, but never feeling the need to demand attention from the other.  It is understanding that a relationship will always have some level of give and take.  It is clearly embracing the fact that, thanks to trust and sensitivity, you do this because you are happy how it makes your partner happy, and you know your partner does the same for you.

The last rule for me Responsibility. 

In a relationship that works, both partners are responsible.    This is a responsibility that reflects the first three rules and at the same time reinforces them.    From the most basic level, in a relationship, both partners know what they have to do from the economic to the emotional level.   This, after all, ain't The SIMS where one can create a person in the house solely made to work all day and generate money while the other person burns through the funds, parties all night and lives the life in some ways all of us secretly hope to have thanks to how popular media has brainwashed us.  This is real life.  Money is required to buy food, to pay the bills, and work is necessary to get that money.  Beyond merely monetary responsibilities, there are of course other responsibilities such as keeping the house clean, having food to eat, making sure the budget is maintained and never neglecting your children (typically at the start, your pets) and their own needs. 

And even beyond that, there are the personal responsibilities as well as the responsibilities to one's partner.

No, I don't mean having to "update them when you are out" because that's covered in trust and sensitivity and patience.    I don't mean pointing fingers either at who should have done what and whatnot.  But I mean, remembering to have time for your partner one way or another at the same time being aware of how limited the time can also be.   I mean making plans with your partner to enjoy the fruits of your hard-earned cash together and not simply splurging it unless someone complains.   I mean understanding one cannot condense failing in the first three rules for a number of years, being forgiven and given more than just a second chance, then making a huge fuss when your partner makes a similar mistake.  Responsibility in many ways is similar to being equal.  Being fair.  And once again, while absolute equality is impossible (after all, we aren't able to literally measure experiences and events and cut them in half) it can be accomplished with the first three rules guiding you.  And each time you accomplish it, the first three rules are even strengthened further.

Some of you readers might find it strange that love isn't a rule.  Or why other things like honesty or communication are not listed as rules.  Personally, its because they aren't rules. 
Honesty is a choice born from one's desire to accomplish Trust.   Honesty is also a choice to achieve a level of sensitivity.   Communication is developed in the yearning to achieve all four rules better.   And Love?

Love was always the elusive factor in any relationship. 
Truth be told, many relationships existed before love came into the picture.   Some forged relationships out of sheer lust and the desire to have more frequent sex.  Others were created out of necessity, be it due to cultural, societal or financial reasons.   There are even a few that exist out of the sole need to appear to be together.

Then there are those who learn to love each other.  Many believe this is the best form of love.  But few realize this is looking at things in reverse.   This has the frightening possibility of mistaking compromise and settling for "the second best" as love.    This is looking at love as the "reason" the four rules must be achieved.  You hear people saying, "I HAVE to trust him cause I love him," rather than "I love him because I can trust him."  While it sounds more romantic to say the first, its not being realistic. 

And there are those, rarer still, fall in love. 
Not the first time you meet you want to know what the other is like in bed.  Not the when you first looked at the other person you realized that person was the splitting image of your biggest celebrity crush.   Not the we meet and we knew it was forever.   Although in some odd ways, things that start that way CAN still lead to falling in love.

Falling in love isn't about when it happens.  

It is about simply feeling love is actually present and real because the four rules above are constantly lived and nourished in the relationship.

It is learning to treat the other person the way you know you too should be treated, and achieving a life shared despite being two actual physical individuals.   And from that symbiotic relationship, the four rules very easily and naturally come into place.  

Cause that's what love ultimately is:  A mutual level of trust, sensitivity, patience and responsibility that encourages honesty, passion, communication, openness and loyalty. 

And love cannot be faked.
No matter how many other people you convince otherwise with lies.

I am a good person.
And one of my mistakes was getting interested in someone who wasn't free.  While I can state the facts that their relationship, before they broke up, was not founded on these rules, I will plainly admit the fact what I did was still something others would look unkindly towards.  However, between me and the other person, the rules are there.  We live them.  Every single day.  Every single second.  And we fell in love.  

Something this real doesn't happen every day. 
Something this connected is worth seeing to the end.

I have no regrets.

Soon, opinions will come.  Insults will be thrown.  Claims be made.  The facts can be gathered.  Or opinions might just be shared.  Maybe there will be lies.  Maybe half-truths.  Maybe holier than thou statements or declarations of supposed moral fiber.  But ultimately the truth shall be clear.  Our lives shall prove it.  Demonstrate it.    Reveal it.

This is real.  This is love. 

This is worth it.


----------------------------------------
strange title?  Maybe.  There is a meaning in everything after all.

other title choices included:   "Call me what you will.." (but it sounded too aggressive), "the Four Real Rules of Love" (but that seemed too boring, although has viral potential) Non-Fiction:  Why I don't Do Quickies (but only works for those who know I usually post Quickie Fiction) and The Rules (which kinda was too vague).

I lend stuff out too often

Missing the following things:

1) Kabuki Circle of Blood TPB
2) Katamari Damacy PS2 disks
3) My blue 256MB memory stick
4) My 2GB memory stick

Desperately need them back soon.
If you have any of these items, please return them to me asap.

Thank you.

Friends, help me out!

Help.

Looking to move out within the month.
Hoping to find a good condo/apartment
(ideal would be 1/2 bedroom, and parking space, but of course that's doubtful)
Range around 10-15k a month
Must have easy access to Buendia, or even better to Jupiter.

Hope you guys can help.
I've contacted some possible options at Cityland, and one at San Antonio Village but its always better to see more options before I make decisions.

Thank you!

Quickie Fiction: Help

The two monks moved stealthily, their own shadows chasing after them as they made their separate ways through the winding corridors of the Seat of Faith. When Ammen's dying warning reached their ears, the two monks immediately vocalized messages through the song to each other and communicated a place to rendezvous in secret. Tajuc sent out a staccato message to Nayd and failing to receive any reply realized that the third monk was already dead. Informing Romac of his discovery, Tajuc took a gamble and decided to return to the stables. It was quite unlikely, he reasoned, that the assassin would still be there.

Romac reached the rendezvous point earlier than Tajuc. In a small sack, he had carried with him his personal tuning dagger, some coin and his ragged book of psalms. A member of the Voice of the Faith typically owned such a book; new intonations, harmonies and songs learned would be transcribed in them for review. Fewer more dedicated monks would use it for the more studious study, understanding and the composition of new songs. Romac was one of those who did just that. Quickly opening his book, he skimmed through the pages to search for an experimental piece he had composed that may prove useful against the assassins. Combining the softer chords of Auhm, the harmony of the divine fire with high notes of Vitaesis, Romac had theorized one could create a melody that allowed a person to perceive beyond the normal human range of senses. Heat would become visible to one's naked eye. The assassins were soundless and Ammen's warning suggested they had a mastery of stealth. Romac hoped the melody he had written would work as he had hoped.

Tajuc saw the bloody remains of his friend and fought the urge to rush forward and offer final bitter farewells. There is no time to mourn the dead, he reminded himself and quickly scanned the stables if there was anyone else present. While the other dragons seemed to be contently sleeping in their pens, one dragon was awake and noiselessly observed the monk. Tajuc looked at the bloody wall and saw the senseless markings that were written in his friend's own blood. Looking past the wall, Tajuc saw the party broken pen and the dragon inside that quietly observed him.

"You saw what happened?"

The dragon nodded in response. Tajuc shook his head in disbelief. "And you did not try to help him?"

The dragon smashed its tail against the damaged portions of the cage. A small whirlwind, barely a foot tall, manifested at Tajuc's feet, causing some dust and other trash to swirl.

"The assassin," Tajuc continued his line of inquiry, "You saw what it looked like?"

The dragon undulated its still growing hair. It was, after all, younger than most dragons that were present. Tajuc deciphered the motions and nodded in agreement. "The Kabal. Some rumors say the Kabal is merely a myth. That in truth they are merely guards in fancy clothing. Others whisper of the Kabal as some dark reminder of a painful song the current Hierophant once sang in hopes of further defending the Sea of Faith. You are certain it was one of the Kabal."

The dragon nodded.

Chambers away, Romac completed the melody and felt the winding music begin to coil around him like a reassuring snake. Romac saw his field of vision exponentially become a colorful observation of what he looked at, with varying hues suggesting if a person is gifted, if a weapon was drawn, and if the other was in a good or not too good state of health. That very moment Romac completed the melody, his eyes caught sight of the Kabal assassin literally waiting for him to be too distracted to notice the killing blow. The assassin had blended among the shadows and simply waited for the right moment to strike.

Can't let him know I can see him, Romac reminded himself and tried to stay calm. He knew he too had to wait for the perfect moment to enact his counter stroke.

Tajuc had unlocked the cages of two dragons in the stable. Neither had found their Others nor chosen to share an Onus Bond with a servant of the Faith. The first was an older dragon compared to the one which tried to help Ammen. With scales that mirrored the sky of a coming dawn, hints of purple still mingled among the hues that shifted from red to orange. In a few years, the dragon's saffron hues would shine and come enough summers, become truly golden. Like all the other dragons, its snake-like form defied the fact it was a strong and mighty beast capable of flight. Its wings, like most dragons could spread out from its midsection, each wing the length of its body, or be folded completely compact against its own side, concealing any trace of the beast's ability to fly. It had only two manifested horns upon its head. A second pair had barely erupted from the scales, and were mere bumps upon the scaled head of the beast. Its eyes were like a tiny flame that sought more fuel to grow. Tajuc learned it referred to itself as Adubiem. The second dragon was a full adult, with an armored body that celebrated the hues of steel. Its wings, which numbered six rather than the typical two, were tiny foot long protrusions upon its slender body. Azure eyes set against a dark void peered from its angular face. It named itself Akmati and like Adubiem, it had not ceased to seek its own Other.

"My brother and I seek your service. News had reaches us of one in the Faith who has found his Other. And the Hierophant has reacted in a manner which brings us to question what fate may lie in store for the two. Will you assist us?" Tajuc asked the two dragons, and both dragons glanced at one another, surprised by the monk's forwardness.

There was no hesitation however in their reply. Both signaled yes.

Romac however embraced in his thoughts the word no. While his beard helped conceal the focus in his eyes and fear in his heart, the knowledge of the eventual combat was a bit more obvious in his hands. His fingers trembled with contained anticipation. He was far from weaponless, having long been a practitioner of the Dragon song intonations and harmonies, but he was also well aware that the assassin was someone who was stalking its prey within the Seat of Faith. That certainly defined the assassin to be of considerable skill.

With his song-enhanced perceptions, Romac had noted that the assassin had remained in the same place for the last five minutes. It seemed seemingly preoccupied and reading a tome did not present himself as a viable target. Maybe he needed to present himself a bit more vulnerable. Was it because the Kabal sensed the song he had enchanted himself with? Or was it because he had a tuning dagger close at hand?

Misdirection it seemed would be necessary to further lure the assassin closer.

Romac rose to his full height, leaving both the book of psalms and dagger on the floor. He walked up towards the nearby window and was careful to not move too close and become an easy kill. Romac's intentions after all, was to lure the assassin closer, and not allow himself to become an target easily thrown out the window. He felt the cold rush of wind and pretended to enjoy the view. The assassin still remained still. The lure needed to be more appealing. The target needed to look more vulnerable. Romac decided to risk it and closed his eyes. A moment of prayer. A moment of sleep. Or at least, Romac mused, the assassin would think that was what it was.

He did not anticipate that the assassin was keen enough to see past even that. With a wordless motion, the assassin had signaled his companion to approach from the other side. The Kabal had anticipated Romac to be a far more difficult target and had taken steps to deal with him more efficiently. The scar upon the monk's face, one that was dealt to him by the Patermaster himself, was proof of this. Romac was a survivor in many ways. A warrior more than a monk.

The two assassins closed in for a kill, their deadly weapons ready to sup upon the monk's blood.

The B!tch of Living

MORITZ
God, I dreamed there was an angel
Who could hear me through the wall
As I cried out, like, in Latin “This is so not life at all
Help me out, out of this nightmare.”
Then I heard her silver call
She said, “Just give it time, kid. I come to one and all.”

She said, “Give me that hand, please, and the itch you can’t control.
Let me teach you how to handle all the sadness in your soul.
Oh, we’ll work that silver magic,
Then we’ll aim it all the wall.”
She said, “Love may make you blind, kid, but I wouldn’t mind at all.”

ALL
It’s the bitch of living

OTTO
The bitch, just the bitch

ALL
With nothing but your hand

OTTO
Just the bitch, yeah

ALL
Just the bitch of living
As someone you can’t stand

GEORG
See, each night it’s, like, fantastic
Tossing, turning without rest
‘Cause my days at the piano
With my teacher and her breasts
And the music’s, like, the one thing
I can’t even get at all
And those breasts!
I mean, God, please, just let those apples fall

ALL
It’s the bitch of living

OTTO
The bitch!

ALL
With nothing going on, nothing going on
Just the bitch of living
Asking: What went wrong?
Do they think we want this?
Oh, who knows!

ERNST
See, there’s showering in gym class

HANSCHEN
Bobby Maler, he’s the best
Look so nasty in those khakis

ERNST
God, my whole life’s like some test

OTTO
Then there’s Marianna Wheelan
As if she’d return my call

HANSCHEN
It’s like, just kiss some ass, man
Then you can screw ‘em all

MELCHIOR
It’s the bitch of living
And living in your head
It’s the bitch of living
And sensing God is dead

ALL
It’s the bitch of living
And trying to get ahead
It’s the bitch of living
Just getting out of bed
It’s the bitch of living
And getting what you get
It’s the bitch of living

MELCHIOR
And knowing this is it

ALL
God, is this it?
This can’t be it
Oh God, what a bitch!

-------------------
From the musical, Spring Awakening

Breaking Free

Originally, I had begun to write this post with a serious matter in mind.  But I guess one has to thank the wonderful unpredictable powers of chaos and the sense of humor innately existing in world diversity.   I know some might call me racist for this, but its not that.  I just really found the "unexpectedness" of the dubbing to really throw me off balance with laughter!  The choices for the voices also just makes me really really WONDER what was going on in their heads when they casted those talents for this.

Everyone knows Breaking Free from High School Musical.
But trust me, watch these videos and try not to laugh out of the unexpectedness of the dubbing to make each one "world friendly."

I love our world and its diversity!
But I love unintentional funny results more!

To my egg, yes, there's not a star in heaven that we can't reach!

The Spirit

Rating:	★★
Category:	Movies
Genre:	Other

Big problems in this movie. Which is really sad considering the movie is based on a really good comic series called The Spirit of the late Will Eisner, a veritable God among comic creators.

Having seen this film, I feel that there were two directions the film could have taken to have been more successful. First, the film could have simply accepted the fact it was intended to be a campy funny comic film and approached its narrative more like Charlie's Angels or maybe even Not Another Teen Movie. Everything from really scripted one-liners such as "Toilets are always funny!" and scenes (like the Foot-head clone) could have been more acceptable and actually funny than being odd out-of-place moments in a film that was trying to be too serious that it really was.

OR, the film could have ditched the camp humor and instead turned into a dark gritty narrative of a former cop who becomes the Spirit of the city and his connection to the villain called Octopus and how an old burning flame connects to the current fiasco.

But no, Frank Miller having no true film background forced the film to dance between serious and funny without the mastery of directors such as Tim Burton or writers like Joss Whedon. The film was uncomfortable and badly choreographed, and though it had remarkable visuals, suffered from wanting to be both live action and animated in too many ways.

The Spirit lost its spirit in this adaptation and became a horrific caricature of its source. I wouldn't recommend buying the DVD unless you are a true fan who doesn't care how the source gets butchered. It is still worth a look see however, if you happen to already have the DVD in your home.

Maybe if Frank Miller took more inspiration from films like The Rocketeer or Sky Captain and the World of Tomorrow, the film could have been far more successful in entertaining its audience.

Post Easter Dinner

Tracy and Lambert invited the Abadclan to a Post Easter dinner at Bellevue.
Had a blast with the very generous buffet options, having everything from local cuisine to Japanese food, various pasta and salad options, Mongolian bowls and incredibly large feasting choices.

Got a bit camera happy with my iPhone here. Should caption these pics soon.

Quickie Fiction: Delusions

The gathered soldiers numbered in the thousands, and from the sky, the Febhed appeared as a slow moving forest of stone and steel.  In their armor of chain steel and crystal armaments, the Febhed army marched through the land, undeterred by terrain nor weather.  With the lead squadrons Paterons invoking the secret voice of the earth to tame the rough path before them, the Febhed legions marched easily through the now leveled sloped and rocky roads, overcoming exhaustion with much ease.   It was not difficult to study the general direction of their march to suggest their intended destination:  The Seat of Faith.

Their journey did not transpire unnoticed, of course.

The Dragonarchers of the Faith routinely patrolled the skies, and even during the initial days of the march, a few riders had noticed the movement of the large numbers of Febhed troops and quickly reported their observations to the Hierophant.  Earlier approximates figured the armed formations to number in the hundreds.  Later patrols would frighteningly estimate the Febhed units to reach the tens of thousands, and in some ways, these highly exaggerated numbers would lead to the Faith itself approaching the conflict with much more violence that expected.

A violence that would someday be come be remembered and retold by the generations to come.

Donato marched ahead of the regiment that was placed by his father under his command.  Though young and inexperienced, there stood deep within him a desperate need to prove himself.   The absence of his older brother was a fact Donato hoped would be forgotten and that in its place the determination and dedication of the younger son would be transcribed.  Donato held little love for his missing brother.  Most of his life was punctuated by his father's constant proclamations of how things would have been better if Sunaj had never turned his back upon the Febhed.  This, Donato believed, was the perfect opportunity for him to show to his father that he was indeed ready and more capable than Sunaj ever can be.  This was to become his shining moment.

Across the many leagues, a quieter less noticeable march unfolded.  With a determination no less real and no less focused than that of the Febhed army, the Pateron Acheu made his way through the long winding tunnels that stretched out from the Febhed Confessionarium.  Though each step was an invitation for another painful reminder of his already impaired ability to walk, the Pateron ignored every spike of growing agony.  He knew he had to reach his destination before the Febhed armies reached the Seat of Faith.  He walked faster, shifting weight away from his pained leg in hopes of lumbering quicker.  Acheu after all believed he alone could speak to him and convince him that now was the time to act.   After everything that has happened,  Acheu still believed his prodigal son Sunaj still thought highly of his father.  This, Acheu believed, was the day he was to finally convince his son he was right all along.   This was the day he was to see Sunaj come to him, apologise for his pride, and beg to be given a second chance.

In many ways, both father and son traveled with hopes in their heart, and belief in their mind.   In many ways, both father and son were empowered by the goodness in their intentions.

Neither was to change the fact both heeded nothing but the self delusions that they had embraced.

Donato had never comprehended the secret voice of the earth.  It did not matter which advisors Acheu had hired to teach him the intonations most basic notes.  Nor did it make any difference when Acheu himself attempted to train his son to understand how the earth could be tamed to obey one's desires.   The child spent hours sitting before a number of advisores, instructors and tutors, each with their own teaching style and training methods, only to come face to face with the truth which Acheu could not accept:  Donato was unable to harness even the most basic of Febhed sorcery. 

The denial had its roots.  Considering how unsimple Acheu's childhood and pre-Pateron life was, one could easily see why Acheu wanted his children to become Pateron as well.  All those years of playing to the Faith's needs, and fearing the mythical dangers that the Febhed were said to pose have imbued upon Acheu a desire to have his own children escape that manner of a possible lifestyle.  And for a child to learn to harness the secret voice of the earth was an easy seat among those selected by the Patermaster himself.

No Pateron had ever gone hungry.
No Pateron had ever suffered the experience of being homeless ever again.

But this denial was powerless to the fact that the failure of Donato to learn the intonation was the second time Acheu had to suffer hearing this truth.  Years ago, before Sunaj had walked way from his father's watchful gaze and frustrating demands, he too attempted to harness this intonation.   Sunaj, like his brother after him, had failed.

Acheu reached the tunnel he had sought.   The limestone markings upon its mouth easily confirmed that he stood at the shaft that would bring him to the tiny village where Sunaj had opted to move.  Far from the Confessionarium, the place provided Sunaj a place to start anew, especially after the loss of the old village where he lived once with his whole family.

The old man felt another stab of pain shoot up his leg.  He leaned against the nearby wall and slowly brought himself into a squat.  Rubbing one hand against the ankle, he looked at the swollen area and shook his head.  Another pain to overcome.  Another hurdle to leap past.

For Acheu, he believed his life was filled with mountains.  Challenges that demanded he find the strength to overcome them.  While in the beginning, viewing his life in this manner allowed Acheu the chance to find inner focus, the years that followed saw him becoming soft and merely traversing the said mountains if ignoring them meant a loss of face.

Donato understood his father in more ways than the Pateron realized.  Long being the mute witness to how important his father felt about what others would say of him.  He remembered many of them, some painful, some dumb, yet all so seemingly crucial to his father that Acheu would be sensitive to their words and reactions more than his children's own needs.

"Father of two... with no mother in sight.  Did she leave him?  Or are the children adopted droppins of another man?"

"Was he truly allowing that failure of a son to live among the tribes instead of serving the Guard?"

"Has he no shame?  Pateron and yet his children are illiterate to the earth's own words?"

As Donato echoed every command other contingents were given, he recalled how he reacted when his father first instructed him to lead the contingent.  Another regret was planted in his heart.  Another time he could have showed his father he was ready.   Another time he spoke instead of his fear.  This was all to change.  Donato promised himself that today was the day his father would look at him with pride.   Acheu believed in him after all, Donato mused.  That should be all that he needed.

Acheu on the other hand slammed both hands together and began to create a steady rhythm of clapping.  With each impact, he grunted out a syllable, forming a gradually solidifying intonation that shaped the tunnel floor.  Smooth rock transformed into a sloping surface. Bringing himself down onto the ground, he shoved against the wall and allowed gravity to take hold of him.  The massive forming slide carried Acheu rapidly down the tunnel, with redirected water flowing into the channel to reduce the presence of friction.  It was a less than dignified way for one to travel for Acheu, but there were no witnesses after all and time was of the essence.

But both moved forward, fueled by their individual yet mirrored desire to prove themselves better.  To prove themselves worthy.

Fueled by the very delusion that what they were should be enough.

Quickie fiction: Undeniable

Golden water ebbed and flowed against the soft sands of the massive beach.  The salt spray made his skin raw.  The cold wind made the fine hairs of his arms tingle.  Knee-deep in the water, the young man gazed into the distant horizon.  His eyes did not focus on anything specific in the distance.  He merely gazed away perhaps hoping to find answers to the questions that were dancing through his mind.  Questions could be dangerous things, you see.  Like edged shards of ivory, or smooth sharpened barbs, questions could cut through one's masks and reveal bloody bitter truths.  They could tear open shrouds meant to conceal the blinding painful truth.

The man raised his hands towards the sky, slowly opening his hand to motion his fingers towards the clouds.  Immediately in response, the sky changes.  The clouds break away and reveal a clear shimmering sky.   Fading hints of where the stars once shone could still be glimpsed, had one known how to look. 

With a motion of his other hand, the waters began to grow calmer.   The rhythmic motion of waves settled down into a barely perceptible stillness.  The froth of the waters faded away.  The whole ocean settled into a placid glass-like surface, reflecting the clear sky above.

The man looked down upon the mirror-like water and stared at the reflection that gazed back.  The tired skin.  The angry eyes.  The broad nose.  The imperfect growth of hair upon his chest.  The man was old.  Perhaps within his late sixties.  The face was familiar.

"Your mindscape image," a voice asked and the whole world seemed to darkened in response.  Clouds suddenly emerged from the clear sky.  The waters began to tremble.  The beach shifted as rocks began to emerge from the very earth.  "That image is that of your Other?"

"Why are you here?" the man in the water spat out towards the sound of the voice.  He sought the source of the intruding presence and immediately found it a few yards by the shoreline, standing a few feet from the very sands.  The intruder stood in a non-threatening stance, with his hands held loosely at his sides.  His hair danced with the sudden onset of wind.  His eyes looked at the other nervously.   It was clear the intruder knew his presence here was not welcome.

But the man in the waters who could shape the world instinctively could not deny what he was seeing.   Here, in the mindscape of a dragon, the truth was impossible to conceal.  Here, in the mindscape of a dragon, the Other's face could be seen.

"Nicodemus," the man by the beach called to the other, "I... really am sorry to intrude upon your mindscape.  I heard the sounds of battle.  I could not see what was going on from where I had been imprisoned.  But I could feel..."

"Savati," the man standing amidst the water shook his head, "You should not have come here."

"I just think that..."

"Haven't you have done enough damage?" Nicodemus snarled back.  The clouds thickened now into darkening mountains.  The tide had begun to rise.  The waters had turned rough.  "Haven't you realized how much you've complicated everything else?  Vandross was my Onus Bond.  He was the one I had chosen to become tied to in both soul and life.  And you had to come and ruin it all?  Complicate things into this... this..."

"Nicodemus," Savati raised both hands in hopes Nicodemus would stop and give him a chance to explain.  But the act merely incensed Nicodemus further.

"YOU RUINED IT ALL!"  Nicodemus howled and the world howled with him.  Lightning tore through the sky, as the waves violently rose and crashed against the sands.  The winds howled into monstrous surges that cut through the air and left thunder in its wake.  Mountains rose from the sands, then buckled against their own immense weight, crumbling into landslides and massive fissures that attempted to swallow the sea.  "YOU  RUINED THE BOND I SHARE WITH VANDROSS!  ALL THOSE YEARS OF TRUST, OF SECURITY, OF SHARED STRENGTH AND PASSION!  YOU CAME INTO OUR LIVES AND RUINED IT ALL!"

Savati was thrown from the invisible place where he stood by a massive wave that towered over forty feet high.  The sands opened like a hungry maw as he tumbled backwards into the ground.   Lightning then struck and one side of the rocky mountain exploded, becoming a terrible landslide of boulders that sought to bury Savati beneath the earth. 

"I HAVE BLED FOR HIM!  I HAVE SERVED HIM AND CARED FOR HIM!  I HAVE PROTECTED HIM, FED HIM, WATCHED OVER HIM!   I HAVE DONE ALL THESE THINGS AND ALL YOU HAVE DONE WAS COME AND MAKE EVERYTHING THAT I HAVE DONE POINTLESS!   MEANINGLESS!  DO YOU REALIZE HOW MUCH YOU'VE DONE?"

Nicodemus rose from the waters now, his body effortlessly rising from the chaotic weather that reflected his rage.  He rose higher and higher, until the very beachside he stood before was now an island before him that became the focal point of a massive uncaring storm. 

"Nicodemus please!"  Savati cried out but Nicodemus cared not to hear a single word.  Though Savati could very easily fight back and affect the mindscape as well, he had hoped Nicodemus would instead try to see.  

All Nicodemus had to do was see, after all.

The mindscape was the shared mental link all Dragons could enter at will.  Like a sanctuary from the real world, the mindscape was a world of perceptions and time outside that of the physical realm.  Older dragons referred to the mindscape as the Internal Song of every Dragon.  A world of music that was instinctively shaped by a dragons' own thoughts and feelings.  And any other dragons in the vicinity could easily visit another's mindscape by merely resonating to the dragon's internal song.   While the mindscape was immaterial and purely musical imagery, it offered a safe ground for dragons to challenge one another, to communicate, to train and learn the many intonations and harmonies of their ancestors and one other final purpose:  in the mindscape, a dragon manifested in the form of their Other. 

"Nicodemus!"

The oceans rose like massive fingers, then closed upon the beach like a crushing watery fist.  The island was drowned by the golden waves and vanished from the mindscape.

"WHY COULD YOU NOT JUST LEAVE US ALONE?!?"

The storm slowly began to abate.  The waters began to settle.  And where the island once was, Savati began to emerge, rising slowly from the depths unharmed by the illusionary assault. 

"Because I can't," Savati sadly admitted, "Look at me, Nicodemus.  Look at me."

Nicodemus looked at Savati now.  It wasn't the first time, truth be told.  Back upon the vessel when Nicodemus and Vandross first encountered Savati, the dragon had instinctively reached out through the mindscape to ask why the other dragon was stealing from the humans.   Even that early, Nicodemus had seen what Savati's mindscape self appeared as.

Vandross. 
 
Nicodemus could not deny the familiar face.   The muscular form.  The dark hair.  The deep, penetrating gaze of his eyes.  The uneasy smile on his face.   Savati's mindscape self was the exact image of Vandross. 

"You can see," Savati asked, as he rose from the waters even higher, floating upwards til he reached Nicodemus' level in the sky.  In some ways, neither of them had moved at all.  It was the rest of the world moving to bring them to the same level.  "You can see why I can't just go."

"But what about me?" Nicodemus begged, "What about everything I have done?  What about the sacrifices I have made?  We all see in the mindscape the Other we are meant to find, but in this massive world of billions of faces, the chances of finding the Other are next to impossible.  That was why the Onus Bond was originally forged among our kind with the humans.   So we need not feel alone.  So we need not feel incomplete."

"But Nicodemus," Savati reached out to the other, who at first pulled away.  "This was not my choice either.   I did not come into your life seeking to take Vandross away.  You know that to be true.  In our mindscapes, we can see what our Other is like.  We know in some ways what our Other is, but we never really know who he or she is.  We never even know their names, not until we see them at last, in both the mindscape and in the physical world.  In this case, I found him.  Or maybe he found me.  But ultimately, this was not planned.  This was not planned."

"What are you saying then?"  Nicodemus spat back,  "This is destiny?  This is fate?  This is the improbably becoming possible?  What makes you more special than me?  What makes you deserve him more?"

"I don't know,"  Savati shook his head, "And I don't even believe in those things.  I've always believed in freewill.  I've always believed that our own choices govern our destiny.   Nicodemus, I would walk away if I must.  But I would be a fool not to see this through."

"BUT WHAT ABOUT ME?"  Nicodemus roared back.   "Do I just get thrown aside?  Do I just have to move on?  Handle it alone?  Deal with the shattered bond as if it never was meant to be?"

Savati could not give an answer.   Inwardly, he wanted to remind Nicodemus that his own Other was still somewhere out there.  He wanted Nicodemus to realize this was something bigger than him.  Bigger than Savati.  Even bigger than Vandross.   This was something that just had to come to pass.  He wanted Nicodemus to realize what all dragons knew:  that the Onus Bond was believed by humans to be like the finding of one's Other.   That there were dragons meant to be bound to another.  But in truth, the Onus Bond was meant for a dragon to choose a human match, because the search for the Other often lead to failure. 

But here, Savati and Vandross found each other.  

Despite all odds.   Despite all circumstances.   Despite the time, the distance, the separate lives and diverse backgrounds and events that shaped them, their roads lead to that one single moment when they found each other.

"You," Savati found himself saying before thinking, "are a fool if you think you can stop this."

* * *

"What do you mean?"  Vandross rose from Nicodemus side and approached Savati angrily.  Though unarmed, the archer reached out with one hand and grabbed a hold of Savati's collar.  The green dragon, in the form of Mesin, struggled to retain her footing as Vandross pulled her close to him.    "What have you done to Nicodemus?"

"The truth--" Savati gasped between breaths, "I've only told.. your dragon.. the truth.."

Alucita and Sunaj knew better than to interfere.  Vandross stared into Savati's eyes.  His anger found itself challenged by feelings of recognition.   Just as he could read from Alucita that she was being honest and sincere, he could see in Savati's eyes that the dragon was being the same.

"Can you help Nicodemus?"  Vandross whispered, almost pleadingly to Savati, "Can you?"

Savati closed her eyes.   Tears threatened to fall once more.   The dragon held them at bay, however, hoping the archer had not noticed them.  "I... how can I if I am the source of the problem?"

"Nicodemus means a lot to me,"  Vandross admitted, "The bond I share with Nicodemus is precious to me.  Do you understand this?  What... you and I share... the connection we have... what I have with Nicodemus... does only one truly have to exist?"

Both turned to see Nicodemus already standing.   Vandross wanted to rush forward to embrace his friend but the saffron dragon motioned him to wait.  Alucita stepped back, feeling slightly uncertain if their captives would now use their superior numbers against them.   Savati pulled back, fearing Nicodemus' rage. 

The saffron dragon plunged one claw into the ground.   From it, a single stalk grew and began to unfurl into a larger healthy plant.  Flowers bloomed, waned then fell in a quickened pace as if the passage of seconds tracked the turning of months.  Vandross easily deciphered the words.

"No," Savati cried out, understanding Nicodemus' intentions, "That's not true!  You don't have to!"  Her protests fell upon uncaring ears.  With a shove off the ground, Nicodemus rose into the sky, leaving a trail of lazily dancing petals falling in its wake.

"Where?" Sunaj asked aloud, only to see Alucita motion him to stay close to her.  "The golden dragon has chosen to fly back to the Faith.  To report that Vandross had found his Other,"  Alucita explained, having deciphered the Dragon Song from the communication Nicodemus had left.  Vandross fell onto his knees.  His head bowed low, but it was clear it was not exhaustion that  prompted him to do so. 

"Is that a good thing?" Sunaj whispered back, unfamiliar with the ways of the Faith. 

"Typically yes.  All among the Faith seek to find their Other.  However, if the Other is found, it is uncertain what will happen to the Onus Bond.  Among the Faith as well, you see, the Onus Bond is inviolate.    This is the first time for one already in an Onus Bond to ever find his Other."

"Then what will happen to the gold dragon?"

Alucita stared at the now disappearing golden shape in the sky, "We do not know.  But somehow, I am certain it will not be something good."

You make me so very happy...

I lost at love before
Got mad and close the door
But you said try just once more

I've chose you for the one
Now I have been so much fun
Your treated me so kind
I'm about to lose my mind
You've made me so very happy
I'm so glad you came into my life

The others were untrue
But when it came to loving you
I'd spent my whole life with you
'Cause you came and you took control
You touch my very soul
You always showed me that loving you is were it's at

You've made me so very happy
I'm so glad you came into my life

Thank you baby!

I love you so much you see
You're even in my dreams, I can hear
Baby, I can hear you calling me
I'm so in love with you all I ever gonna wanna do is
Thank you baby, thank you baby

You've made me so very happy
I'm so glad you came into my life
You've made me so very happy
You've made me so, so very happy baby
I'm so glad you came into my life

Thank you girl
Everyday of my life
I wanna thank you
You made me so very happy
I wanna spend my life thanking you

Thank you baby
Thank you, baby